Xref: utzoo rec.humor:26503 sci.bio:2276
Path: utzoo!utgpu!jarvis.csri.toronto.edu!mailrus!purdue!bu-cs!dartvax!eleazar.dartmouth.edu!narco
From: narco@eleazar.dartmouth.edu (John Wichers)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,sci.bio
Subject: Re: More dodgy products (i.e. Re: Ott Computer Safety Light)
Message-ID: <15416@dartvax.Dartmouth.EDU>
Date: 6 Sep 89 01:29:51 GMT
References: <15388@dartvax.Dartmouth.EDU> <1199@mva.cs.liv.ac.uk>
Sender: news@dartvax.Dartmouth.EDU
Reply-To: narco@eleazar.dartmouth.edu (John Wichers)
Followup-To: rec.humor
Organization: Dartmouth College, Hanover, NH
Lines: 47

In article <1199@mva.cs.liv.ac.uk> zanussi@mva.cs.liv.ac.uk writes:
>On the subject of dodgy products and wild claims, here is a verbatim copy of an
>advert that surfaced a few months ago :-
>
>                   PHOTOTRON - State Of The Art In Biotechnology
>                   =============================================
>                            Over 80,000 sold worldwide
>
                            [text deleted]

I have seen the Phototron advertised, usually in magazines dealing with drugs.
This is not to say, of course, that I grow, harvest, buy, sell or use drugs, or
promote their use ;-) ;-). You will note that Jeff Demarco, pres and chief
bottle washer of Pyraponic Industries, wrote a thesis "concerned the cannabinoid
profile." Cannabis, for the uninitiated, refers to the evil weed, marijuana.
Now this is also not to say that Mr. Demarco would want to you use his Phototron
for the purpose of growing pot [that'd be illegal, right? ;-)]; no, he proposes
using it to grow scads and scads of catnip ("Hey Morris, look what I got for
YOU!").

>Beginning on DAY 20 after seed germination an average
>of 170 grams to 227 grams of plant material, such as catnip, can be harvested
>every forty-five days.

Let me tell you, Morris is gonna be one happy cat.

Still, I'm sure Dr. DeMarco (can I call you Jeff?) knows what he's talking
about. After all, he's done his research.

>  In pursuit of this master's thesis, I first had to generate the world's most
>extensive, nonacademic library on the subject. Second, I assembled the most
>extensive, scientific bibliography ever created.

oh yeah, he read the books too. Probably while rolling a few joints of catnip
for Morris.

As to the question of why the Phototron hasn't been scaled up: if it gets bigger,
how is Jeff going to be able to fit it into the closet, where Officer Friendly
won't see it when inspecting the apartment to find out why the cat is always
looking so goofy and saying things like "fuckin' meow, man, good shit"

;-) ;-) ;-)

--narco

"Her eyes were cold and harsh...which made them tough to chew."
                                                             -Danno