Path: utzoo!attcan!utgpu!jarvis.csri.toronto.edu!mailrus!csd4.csd.uwm.edu!cs.utexas.edu!rutgers!aramis.rutgers.edu!athos.rutgers.edu!christian From: btong@cipc1.dayton.ncr.com (Bonnie Tong) Newsgroups: soc.religion.christian Subject: Husband as leader; another reply Message-ID: Date: 4 Sep 89 10:09:26 GMT Sender: hedrick@athos.rutgers.edu Organization: NCR World Telecomputing Center - Dayton, OH Lines: 75 Approved: christian@aramis.rutgers.edu I am writing this in response to the many postings and personal email letters I've read about "husband as leader in marriage". First, I want to respond to something that Dave Mielke of Vancouver, Canada posted. I unfortunately hit the wrong key and deleted the article. Dave, you refered to my posting suggesting that I may not be leading a Christian life in respect to marriage. Well, you really don't know me or why I feel the way I do. I will try to explain so that you might understand. Also, you suggested that a a woman should be willing to endure a "few years" of abuse to serve her husband and the Lord. You are way off base, here. No man or woman should have to stay in an abusive marriage. For one thing, the abusive spouse is liable to kill you. I know. I have been there. God saved my life, my children's life and our spiritual well being by giving me the strength to leave. It takes far more strength to to leave an abusive spouse than it does to stay and subject yourself to more abuse. You can quote the Bible, but can you listen - really listen - to the Holy Spirit? IMHO, the Bible, which was written thousands of years ago, did not just *stop* being written. God lives and is still talking to us. The Bible, or rather God's word is still being written in the hearts and lives of women and men. If you want to discuss this further, you may email me and I will be happy to answer you. Now, to all the women who have responded - not as many as I would like to see :-) - Thank you! I want to clarify what prompted my angry response to Jedidiah's original article, but find it difficult to express. I am not opposed to marriage based on mutual love, but when one partner consistantly dominates and coerces the other, I get defensive. One should not hide behind Bible quotes to justify deliberate and/or self-centered actions that may cause mental and/or physical abuse to their spouse. Also, one should not feel guilty about (or be made to feel guilty about) removing oneself and children from harm's way. God hears prayer, but sometimes you've got to put "legs" on your prayers and move towards Him by taking action. Catherine (aka meow), I liked your explanation of gender vs soul. It expressed in better terms how I feel. I use it now to illustrate my point in religious discussions in church and elsewhere. Thank you very much. In regards to a leader in marriage, I still say it is an equal partnership and if a decision can not be made - put it on hold until a comprimise can be worked out. If true love is there it would not be "submission" in marriage (decision making in said marriage) but mutual understanding. I think a good spouse would not think for one second of *ever* making a decision without his/her partner's agreement. I think a Christian man would not use quotes from the Bible to ease his conscience, when he knows down in his soul what the Spirit is telling him. To all readers of this group, thank you for taking the time to listen to my rantings and ravings. Sometimes that is all a person needs to get on the right path... a little understanding mixed with a gentle disagreement occasionally. It's how we learn and grow. God bless you all. -- Bonnie Tong "Lord, make my words sweet and tender Bonnie.Tong@Dayton.NCR.COM today, for tomorrow I may have to ...!uunet!ncrlnk!cipc1!btong eat them." --unknown