Xref: utzoo rec.humor:27912 comp.sys.ibm.pc:35882 comp.sys.mac:39725 comp.sys.amiga:41241
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From: consp21@bingvaxu.cc.binghamton.edu (Ken Hoover)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,comp.sys.ibm.pc,comp.sys.mac,comp.sys.amiga
Subject: How to build your own mainframe.
Keywords: funny, IBM, NEC, NCR, DG, Wang, DEC, Honeywell
Message-ID: <2497@bingvaxu.cc.binghamton.edu>
Date: 7 Oct 89 21:38:53 GMT
Reply-To: consp21@bingvaxu.cc.binghamton.edu (Ken Hoover)
Distribution: na
Organization: SUNY Binghamton P0D consultants anarchy league.
Lines: 60


I went to buy computers and they said a million bucks.
For a brand new mainframe IBM; now that price really sucks.
So I looked at all the pictures and I chose to build my own
For you can build a mainframe from the things you find at home

Refrain:

[ Oh IBM Dec and Honeywell, HP DG and Wang.
[ Amdahl, NEC and NCR, they don't know anything!
[ They make big bucks from systems, so they never want it known...
[ That you can build a mainframe from the things you find at home.

Now take the CPU, you see it's only just a box.
With blinking lights and whirring fans and lots of cable slots
So I spent an evening working with some wire and bolts and pins
then I hauled it to the basement and I plugged the freezer in.

(Refrain)

Well next I needed tape drives, my tape drives were a steal.
I climbed into the attic for my Dad's old reel to reel
some cable and some binder twine and soon it was complete.
my CPU and tape drives at a price that can't be beat.

(Refrain)

So then I looked for disk drives but it didn't take me long
Function follows form they say or have I got it wrong?
So I found a drive with five new modes that blows the rest away:
Cottons, linens, wash-and-wear, rinse and lingere!

(Refrain)

I had to have a console just to make my system run
Without a fancy console then my system wasn't done.
So I tied to a ten buck typer to a broken TV tube
And now I've got a console that can write the evening news.

(Refrain)

I've had my system running - I'll admit it's not the best
The data isn't right and the response time is a mess
It crashes every hour and it isn't worth a damn
But I'm satisfied because it runs just like an IBM

(Refrain)

   ... from a tape my girlfriend brought to me.  Anyone know who sings it?

  Dedicated to our IBM 3090-180 VF and poor Randy who had to keep putting
back together all summer...

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Ken Hoover [ consp21@bingvaxu.cc.binghamton.edu | consp21@bingvaxa.BITNET ]
     Resident computer jock and Mac hacker, SUNY-Binghamton Bio dept.
     Senior undergraduate consultant, SUNY-Binghamton Computer Center
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 " The two most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. "
                                                         - Harlan Ellison
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