Path: utzoo!attcan!utgpu!jarvis.csri.toronto.edu!mailrus!wuarchive!brutus.cs.uiuc.edu!apple!usc!aero!avery@well.UUCP From: avery@well.UUCP (Avery Ray Colter) Newsgroups: soc.feminism Subject: Re: Feminism is a fine word, thank you Message-ID: <14251@well.UUCP> Date: 24 Oct 89 05:29:45 GMT References: <1880@convex.UUCP> <851@uvaarpa.virginia.edu> <4504@ncar.ucar.edu> <4414@emory.mathcs.emory.edu> <7214@sdcsvax.UCSD.Edu> Sender: nadel@aerospace.aero.org Lines: 51 Approved: nadel@aerospace.aero.org Status: R bloch%mandrill@ucsd.EDU (Steve Bloch) writes: >Gordon Fitch (gcf@frith.UUCP) says: >Amen. The world would be a better place for me if I could get off the >bus at the same stop as a young woman I just met without her getting >worried I was a rapist. Indeed, sometimes I just make eyes at a woman who attracts me, and she starts looking afraid. Perhaps understandably. Perhaps a particular woman I level my gaze at, has had less-than-pleasant experiences in the past. But more and more that seems like all the more reason to muster my own courage and at least let her know that one man at least can admire her without harboring rapist or otherwise abusive intentions. There are many things one can tell about a person by looking if the looker has a free enough mind. But even then, a certain reaction, a certain posture, can mean one of many things, and most people, of either gender, I find like to confirm those signs by words. Positive social activism? Aggressive niceness? I fear I may be sounding too much like a chivalrist. But I know myself, and I know there are many elements of chivalry I apply to anyone I deal with, of either gender, and in pretty much the same form. With the possible exception of expressing attraction... but if I were bisexual I suspect things would be equal there as well. I am a strong advocate of clear communication in all cases, and of expressing especially positive opinions you have about someone to that person in the least embarrassing way possible. All of which might seem obvious, but it is amazing how people, including myself, lock up and become paralyzed when a person they're attracted to comes around. Well, at least I made things a little clearer for one person today. As you may guess from my emphasis above, the person is a woman I've been staring at from afar for a few weeks. I finally got up my guts (miniscule though they are) to actually say something. The first things out of my mouth were, "I'm sorry for embarrassing you." She then said, "Well, you are acting as if you know me." She was in a hurry, so I didn't try to take this one up, but that strikes me as a very interesting reaction. Hmmmm.... maybe I just look familiar when I'm doing these things. I told her, "Oh, I'm sure I haven't met you anywhere else, I was just looking because you're pretty." Not sure how that struck her - she is a larger woman and I want to be a little careful about the issue of attractiveness, at least for now. However, she didn't seem entirely hostile to being seen as attractive either, and she ended by saying, "OK, all this attention just took me by surprise." OK, I can understand that; possibly she hasn't been singled out quite so clearly before. What does this have to do with feminism? Well, I would think the area of inter-gender communication is a pretty critical one...and the area of physical attraction always seems to be a powderkeg. -- Avery Ray Colter (415) 451-7786 | Now, class, repeat after me: {apple|ucbvax|pacbell}!well!avery | ICH LIEBE DIE BELEIBTEN LEIBEN, avery@well.sf.ca.us | UND HUPFENDE HUEFTE HABE ICH GERN!