Path: utzoo!utgpu!jarvis.csri.toronto.edu!rutgers!ucsd!usc!henry.jpl.nasa.gov!elroy.jpl.nasa.gov!aero!marla@Sun.COM
From: marla@Sun.COM (Marla Parker)
Newsgroups: soc.feminism
Subject: Re: How feminism has failed me
Message-ID: <128294@sun.Eng.Sun.COM>
Date: 22 Nov 89 19:45:45 GMT
References: <48390@bbn.COM>
Sender: nadel@aerospace.aero.org
Reply-To: marla@Sun.COM (Marla Parker)
Lines: 36
Approved: nadel@aerospace.aero.org
Status: R




I have worked through the same thoughts as Liz Bonesteel described
with the following exceptions.  
 
First, none of my female friends or colleagues are as insensitive 
as the woman who said, "But you are so professional!".  Most of my 
friends are about 4 years older than I am, so they are intimately 
familiar with the struggle to choose between a career and caring 
for small children.  I know three who have suspended their careers 
and five who employ au pairs.

Second,  the idea that feminism has failed me is too abstract for
my taste.  I characterize the problem we face as a severe lack of
role models, for both men and women.  Here we are, my husband and
I, determined to build a marriage of equality based on mutual
respect.  How do we do it?  Whom can we emulate?  *Certainly* NOT
our parents.  We both come from extremely sexist families.  We can
overcome to some degree our sexist training, but we cannot purge
it entirely from our personalities.  We are products of our parents
and their guidance.  

The questions about how to handle two careers and children were not 
even asked by our parents, much less answered.

I don't think that feminism or any ideology can or should answer
these questions.  We have to struggle and answer them ourselves, so
that our children and grandchildren will be able to look at our
lives and glean some small amount of guidance from them.  They
may not have the answers at their fingertips, either, but at least
they are unlikely to be as clueless as most of our generation is,
facing these issues for the first time in the history of most
American families.


Marla Parker		(415) 336-2538
marla@sun.com


Brought to you by Super Global Mega Corp .com