Path: utzoo!utgpu!jarvis.csri.toronto.edu!mailrus!cs.utexas.edu!texbell!swbatl!uucibg
From: uucibg@swbatl.UUCP (3929)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: Re: Answers, and more doubt...
Message-ID: <1118@swbatl.UUCP>
Date: 18 Jan 90 17:59:42 GMT
References: <11698@csli.Stanford.EDU>
Reply-To: uucibg@swbatl.UUCP (Brian Gilstrap - UCI - 5-3929)
Organization: Southwestern Bell Tele. Co. - Advanced Technology Lab - St. Louis
Lines: 45

In article <11698@csli.Stanford.EDU> cphoenix@csli.stanford.edu (Chris Phoenix) writes:
>... But Ina says there was more to it, and this is where the 
>scary part comes in.  She maintains that I have been looking at her as 
>an object, and not respecting her as a person.  Given that (from her point
>of view) I was being rude to her and invading her space many times a day,
>I can understand why she felt that way.  But she says it's more than even
>that...
>After we'd been going out for a couple of weeks, we met her brother for a 
>few minutes, and he told her to break it off because she was already being
>hurt.  After we broke up, but before we stopped being friends, another 
>friend of hers saw us together for a few minutes, and without knowing 
>anything about me, or even that we had been going out, asked Ina if we 
>had been and told her that I was looking at her (Ina) as an object, and
>that she shouldn't get involved with me.

Some interesting questions come to my mind here:

1) Just exactly how did they know that you were treating her as an object?

2) Why didn't anyone tell you until later?

If she was interested in you enough to get into a relationship but not enough
to talk to you about problems, then that's her problem and not yours.
I know that doesn't help the pain.

You see, I just got off the phone with my ex-fiance.  After 4 months of very
sporadic contact, we had started doing things together as friends during the
last two weeks.  Last night we had a long talk about where we were going and
what we were each feeling.  There were no resolutions but I felt better because
things got discussed in an honest and open manner.  I thought she felt the same.
It seems I was wrong.  She now doesn't want to see me very often.  I don't
know about last night's conversation changed her mind.  It was a brief
conversation.  I also don't know what "not very often" means.  We will be
getting together this evening to talk.


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