Path: utzoo!utgpu!jarvis.csri.toronto.edu!cs.utexas.edu!samsung!caesar.cs.montana.edu!milton!jeremy
From: jeremy@milton.acs.washington.edu (Jeremy York)
Newsgroups: alt.sex
Subject: Re: More on this rape business (Re: Rape
Message-ID: <1422@milton.acs.washington.edu>
Date: 17 Jan 90 04:04:36 GMT
References: <1990Jan11.191008.13218@alembic.acs.com> <1990Jan17.015159.15384@sun.soe.clarkson.edu>
Reply-To: jeremy@klahhane.stat.washington.edu (Jeremy York)
Organization: Statistics Dept, University of Washington, Seattle
Lines: 32

In article <1990Jan17.015159.15384@sun.soe.clarkson.edu> cooleyra@clutx.clarkson.edu writes:
>
>Yeah...I understand.  And I know people should be responsible even if other
>people aren't.  But the hypothetical woman shouldn't get into bed with the
>hypothetical man w/o clothes without telling him she doesn't want sex....
>Unless both people make it clear that sex isn't planned on, there exists that
>little bit of doubt, which is what males use as an excuse.

You've hit the nail on the head, I think.

I think it comes down to communication.  The "Why the hell did she
invite me into her apartment, get me into bed, and then slap me when
I tried to have sex with her?" question becomes moot if the woman says at
a fairly early point "You realize, I'm not going to make love with you
tonight," or if the guy asks if she wants to hide the sausage.

The subtle, unspoken messages we send to each other are the stuff of
romance, but there comes a point where the stakes are too high, you've
got to be more open about it.

By the way, I've been in this situation lately, and was told by the woman
that although she wanted to make love with me, she wasn't going to.  The
non-sex we've had since then has been some of the best sex I've had.  We've
since been building towards sex very slowly, at the same time as our
emotional attachments and knowledge of each other build.  It's an
incredibly erotic sensation.  We were in bed recently, nearly nude (she
had some underwear on to keep things from getting completely out of
control), touching each other and telling each other our fantasies.
Ohhh, my my my, was that hot.

If you've got the willpower to try this with a new partner, I reccomend
it very highly.