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From: seebs@agnes.acc.stolaf.edu (The Laughing Prophet)
Newsgroups: alt.sex
Subject: Humor.
Keywords: NOT MINE!!!
Message-ID: <10689@thor.acc.stolaf.edu>
Date: 19 Jan 90 05:25:48 GMT
Sender: news@thor.acc.stolaf.edu
Lines: 92

(I got this from someone. It seemed funny.)

                          Hard Ride
           		(or Salivation Hell)
   (( or double your pleasure with two, two, two stories in one)). 
	  
	"My name is Dick," I said to her (in a stammering sort of way), 
exuding confidence and sexuality with each word. 
	"Hello," she replied (though it was to the guy standing behind me). 

It was something about the way she moved her head that had originally 
caught my attention the moment I entered the bar. She had a certain 
sort of sophisticated smile, a certain air of intelligence (and a certain 
cross-eyed look that told me "she won't say NO").  I casually meandered 
towards her and finally found myself standing beside her and speaking to 
her (frothing attractively at the corners of my mouth).

It wasn't long before I had her number, (overheard as she gave 
it to that same fellow she said "hello" to) and was on my way home 
making grand plans for our grand date ( - would it be the Colonel
or the golden arches ?). 

I wanted to play it cool, so I waited and called her a little while 
later (that evening). She remembered me very well (she thought), 
and was very eager to go out with me (just as soon as her 
mother left town and she could arrange for her poodles' operation and 
finish painting her apartment). The time passed quickly, and I found 
myself at her side ready to begin our date. I won't bore you with 
the details of our conversation (such as deciding on smoking or non-
smoking section and how many ketchup packets really ARE enough, etc.) - 
I'll just get to the good part. She simply could not resist my animal 
charm (and odor). She was having the time of her life (which is, no doubt,
the reason the kept taking swigs from that paper sack). I could tell that 
she wanted me, and badly (and that is the only way I come: badly) - 
so I made it easy for her.

	"Shall we go to your place, beautiful ?" I asked, smoothly 
(wiping some spittle from my chin gracefully). 
	"Oh! Pleeeaaase," she replied (much as a teacher would upon hearing 
the seventh excuse for late homework). She wanted me (far away from her). 

We took a cab to her place, and I could sense her inner struggle: to satisfy
her deepest urges and have me (dead), or to remain in control of herself. She 
urged me to go home, but I knew it would be wrong to deny her what she wanted
most. Soon we were embraced on her bed. 

	"Okay.. Okay.. ," she said, giving in to herself (and my whining).
She began removing her blouse. I could not believe my eyes...
So much beauty, so much femininity, (so much fat) under her clothes. It
just didn't seem possible (or attractive). I removed my pants, revealing 
my huge (for a rodent) and growing erection. I could tell she 
was impressed, as her eyes caught on my crotch and a smile crossed her
lips (in fact, she even began laughing in anticipation). I pulled her close
and ripped off her bra (actually I just stretched it and then had her
take it off) with passion. I began nibbling on her beautiful breasts and 
raining small kisses all over her neck and ears (unfortunately leaving
a bit of slobber all over her, for which I still don't think she 
should have complained all that much). 

	She was screaming repeatedly with heat, "Please don't stop". (Or was it
stop... please don't... ). By then we were both naked, our clothes ripped
into shreds by our passionate stroking. My penis had never felt
harder or longer (except when I had had other erections, of course), and I 
guided it to her pouting vulva after gently pushing her onto her
back and spreading her long, shapely, (cellulitic) legs apart. I entered her
love canal (after she finally agreed to help me guide it in) and 
began thrusting into her feverishly. She came almost instantly (or 
was it me? Well one of us did, anyway), and begged for more (lubrication). 
I told her to get on her hands and knees and entered her doggy style 
from behind. 

	"You'll love this, baby, " I told her, as I slowly guided my 
index finger to her puckered anus. She agreed and let me know with her 
moans of pleasure (and saying that it felt a lot like going to the 
bathroom). I could feel her shuddering as another orgasm ran through 
her (during which she kept giggling with passion). I found myself on 
the brink of release also, so I quickly pulled out, turned her around 
and let her suck on my cock. I could tell she loved sucking cock by 
the way she eagerly shoved my prodigious (3 inches) of manhood into 
her mouth (after only 3 or 4 minutes of my pleading). When I thought 
she had enough (which luckily coincided with not being able to control 
myself any longer), I ejaculated into her mouth (I think, though it 
may have been a kleenex). She swallowed evey drop (making pleasurable 
spitting sounds), but couldn't keep up with the flow (so she left
the room running). 

We went on like this all night (until she had to meet her aunt at the bus
station). We then dressed and I gave her a tender kiss on the cheek 
(and $50 for her troubles). "See you later, kid," I winked at her. 
("Yeah, later," she replied.) 

Dong Juan