Path: utzoo!utgpu!jarvis.csri.toronto.edu!cs.utexas.edu!usc!ucsd!hub!henri!doner
From: doner@henri.ucsb.edu (John Doner)
Newsgroups: alt.sex
Subject: Re: Helping her...
Message-ID: <3651@hub.UUCP>
Date: 19 Jan 90 21:34:46 GMT
References: <3838@jarthur.Claremont.EDU>
Sender: news@hub.UUCP
Reply-To: doner@henri.UUCP (John Doner)
Organization: University of California, Santa Barbara
Lines: 47

In article <3838@jarthur.Claremont.EDU> tcourtoi@jarthur.claremont.edu (Todd Courtois) writes:
>     But it seems there is a problem.  My girlfriend says she enjoys sex 
>thoroughly, and yet she has never had an orgasm. 
...
>     One of the few things we have not tried is _me_ performing oral sex on
>_her_.  We have done the reverse quite often, and she says she enjoys
>giving me oral sex since I enjoy it so much.  I _have_ tried during a few of
>our lovemaking sessions to give her oral sex, but after a few seconds of 
>trying she pulls me away gently and says something like, "No, it's ok."
>When I've asked her about out, outside of bed, she has said something like
>"It's too messy." and once she mentioned that I "had the wrong idea."  

Everybody's different, but here's my guess as to what the problem is
and maybe some help in dealing with it.

As far as bringing her to orgasm is concerned, I think orally is your
best bet, if you can get her to be comfortable enough with you doing
it.  In many women, maybe most, the clitoris is just not situated
properly to get maximum stimulation from vaginal sex.  (Maybe
evolution just didn't have time enough to get this right.)  Once she
does start enjoying your oral favors, her negative feelings about you
doing it will subside.

Because of childhood toilet training, her mother's attitudes, or
whatever, she thinks of "down there" as a nasty place.  And it's
smelly.  (With their early childhood origins, these feelings will come
to her unbidden, even if she knows better intellectually.)  She
imagines she wouldn't like sticking her nose in this nasty place, and
when you do, it makes her uncomfortable; she can't think of you as
enjoying it.  Note: it's not YOUR "down there" that seems nasty to
her, just HERS.  Your problem is to get her to realize you might
actually enjoy licking her off.

For one thing, you want to get yourself to the point that you really
do enjoy it, so when she tries to tell you "No, it's o.k.," you can
honestly ask for more.  This shouldn't be hard to do, and she'll begin
to realize that you're not just doing something for her, but for
yourself as well.  This will help her accept it and see whether she
can enjoy it herself.  Of course, a big part of your pleasure in
performing oral sex is what's happening with her, so there is a little
chicken-and-egg problem; if she's not enjoying it, you'll find it less
enjoyable too.  But there's always the smell: If you're like me and
many other men, you'll find that the smell of cunt is a potent sexual
stimulant.  Keep at it, and let her know in every way you can that
you're actually having fun with cunnilingus.

John