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From: Greg.See-Kee@f631.n712.z3.fidonet.org (Greg See-Kee)
Newsgroups: misc.handicap
Subject: Looking for a mate
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Date: 4 Jun 90 19:12:46 GMT
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Index Number: 8637

 JC> On the other hand, I have never been
 JC> successful when actively looking.  All my good relationships have
 JC> been kinda accidental.
     
Companionship & mate-searching are the major "hidden agenda" for
many disabled people.

Generally, I say to the 'searchers', to become externally-focussed,
rather than self-focussed.  In other words, become TASK-CENTERED,
rather than People-centered.

I found that two people with similar values, similar "goals &
priorities" are much more likely to match in personality as well.

Since in Industrial societies, it is more "polite" to be
Externally-centered, to be more Task-centered, then the
Other-Partners are also doing what you are really doing.

They too have the same "HIDDEN AGENDA" that you have, and often
they too are using the similar tasks/goals as a "cover" for
finding the "Perfect Match".

If you are living in a Pre-Industrial or Post-Industrial setting,
it is ok to state things like:

 "I am looking for my Perfect Match.  Can you help me!"

My heritage up to the age of 12 (Chinese) was pre-industrial.
And after the age of 17, it became post-industrial.  I have
worked with Australia's top "Introduction" agency, in a
professional way, as well as several types of counselling,
berfore my own accident, over 5 years ago.

I still remain single & never-married; "fighting-off" marriage
offers, but now I know that to find Perfect-Match, you need more
psychological matching than I'll explain right here.

Hope this professional insight is valuable to someone.

--
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