Path: utzoo!attcan!uunet!tut.cis.ohio-state.edu!pacific.mps.ohio-state.edu!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!usc!snorkelwacker!mintaka!yale!bunker!hcap!hnews!3801!1!Liz.Petry From: Liz.Petry@f1.n3801.z1.fidonet.org (Liz Petry) Newsgroups: misc.handicap Subject: Question Message-ID: <12843@bunker.UUCP> Date: 18 Jul 90 04:42:28 GMT Sender: news@bunker.UUCP Reply-To: Liz.Petry@f1.n3801.z1.fidonet.org Distribution: misc Organization: FidoNet node 1:3801/1 - Tyler Open Forum!, Tyler TX Lines: 62 Approved: wtm@bunker.UUCP Index Number: 9239 [This is from the Spinal Injury Conference] Yes, Jean.... I have experienced days like that much more often since the accidents than before... I thought it was something psychological...like a depression... I have had my best friend figure me out recently....he said that I am always running away from the people who love me (like him..he lives in Austin..I live in Tyler) and that I cannot admit to myslef when I am tired or hurting. And, he figured out that I try to hide my true feelings for him to prevent hurting him....I stopped talking to Michael for about 3 1/2 months....because I felt that I had hurt him too much with my pain, and that I didn't want to hurt him any more... How do you tell someone that you love them more than life itself? When we met last October, '89, at a science fiction convention in Austin (I was going..) I had my last accident about 6 months earlier and undergoing physical therapy.... I couldn't get any emotional support from my family...and I feel that I have taken advantage of him... Jean, I went to a pizza party that Michael was holding for his BBS (he's a sysop) last Friday, July 6....I was supposed to go to a party that he had planned (because I was coming into town..) the weekend of June 1-3. I decided not to go at the last minute for fear of hurting him...and he ws hurt. Now, I went to he party, etc. I got back yesterday afternoon. And, when I called him on Thursday...I told him I couldn't go through with it...He said I was trying to talk myself out of coming...and if it was because of him...I said yes. Jean, I don't hate Michael under any means...I love him more than life itself...And, when he tried to comfort me the other day, I pushed him away...!! I think I really hurt him...I am not sure what I want...but my schooling is in a upheaval, and I have a fear of failure...he has been so patient through my bouts of PAIN, massaging my shoulders, etc... I know he doesn't hate me..he said that himself. And, I found out that my insurance company is offering me only $10,000 for my injuries sustained from my second accident...Michael suggested that I consider taking it...since if I try to sue...I may get nothing!! Jean, I really needed him...and I think I hurt him, because when I came over on Saturday...he wuldn't let me in and said that he wasn't up to talking and that he wanted to be alone. II am not a bad person, but, I am not crazy...just very much in love with someone...I just hope he will forgive me... If you or anyone else has any suggestions or advice, tell me! I never thought that physical pain could do this...Please pray for me...I don't have much strength now. -- Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!3801!1!Liz.Petry Internet: Liz.Petry@f1.n3801.z1.fidonet.org