Path: utzoo!utgpu!news-server.csri.toronto.edu!cs.utexas.edu!yale!bunker!hcap!hnews!360!1.59!Nadine.Thomas From: Nadine.Thomas@p59.f1.n360.z1.fidonet.org (Nadine Thomas) Newsgroups: misc.handicap Subject: disABILITIES Message-ID: <12884@bunker.UUCP> Date: 18 Jul 90 20:53:14 GMT Sender: wtm@bunker.UUCP Reply-To: Nadine.Thomas@p59.f1.n360.z1.fidonet.org Distribution: misc Organization: FidoNet node 1:360/1.59 - Augusta Forum, North Augusta SC Lines: 93 Approved: wtm@bunker.UUCP Index Number: 9277 In a message to All <04 Jul 90 10:24:00> Tom Keller wrote: **STUFF DELETED* TK> All that having been said (whined?), I believe my single TK> GREATEST disABILITY is that I have virtually *NO* self-esteem. This TK> is probably due (at least in most part) to my being an AMAC. TK> Needless to say, this last problem hampers and degrades my life TK> *FAR* more than the other problems do, even combined. For those who do not know what AMAC is - Adults Molested As Children. TK> I see people who are blind, deaf, missing limbs, not having the TK> use of their limbs, suffering from brain damage, etc., etc., and I TK> can only think "Now *THEY* have *REAL* disabilities. I'm just lazy TK> and self-indulgent." When I am being rational, I can tell myself TK> (intellectually) that my disabilities are real, but I cannot seem to TK> *BELIEVE* that. One of the problems with AMAC's as well as ACA's (adult children of alcoholics) is the `less than' attitude. This is an attitude parents teach children from infants on to forever. Awareness is half the battle. Willingness, openmindedness, and honesty is the other half. TK> The problem for me is that I think I have to learn to *ACCEPT* TK> my disabilities before I can TRULY begin to overcome them. I am What would you tell a friend who came to you with this same problem? Most likely you would tell that person to not be so hard on themselves, put the bat away, and to look at the powerlessness they have over their physical situation. That they have the power to accept what they cannot change, to change what can be changed and to have the wisdom to know the difference. Accept what cannot be changed - people, places, things. Change what can be changed - MY attitude and my character defects etc. Wisdom to know the difference - I may not be able to change my physical problems (rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, diabetes) but I can prevent them from getting worse - no strenuous physical activities, stay out of the sun, not eat sugar. I need to look at those differences and accept the RESPONSIBILITY for my own actions as well as the CONSEQUENCES. When I first got the arthritis I was playing softball on a league team. The more I hurt the more I played the more I hurt the more I played etc. *I* had to break that cycle and that was to be done by acknowledging there was a problem and then being willing to do something about it. I now admit to my limitations (that is NOT the same as giving up) which in turn allows me to do more (the paradox of it all). TK> constantly getting myself into trouble through my lack of TK> acceptance. Just the other day, I was visting a friend, and got TK> I have no one to blame but myself. That's right, you are accepting the responsibility and the consequences AND now you need to give yourself a break and put away that BIG bat you are using on yourself to keep your self-esteem in the sewer. "see, I knew I was a piece of sh*t - I just proved it - it serves me right for being such a worthless moron - see I just proved everyone right - etc" Does that ring a bell? How do I know it so well? Cause I have been there too and not very long ago either. I still do it from time to time but my bat is smaller and stays in the closet for longer periods of time. TK> Why am I whining and bitching to you people? Probably because TK> it's "safe" for me to do so. Even if you all dsiapprove and trash TK> me, at least I don't have to see the disgust and disdain in your TK> eyes. It really *HURTS* when people look at me that way. I try to TK> pretend that I don't care, but deep inside TK> me, I know that isn't true. ~sigh~ You are not whining and bitching but you know this is a safe place cause you have seen others get support and you need it too but don't know how to ask for it, so you shared what is going on for you in hopes that someone will reach back (I'm here for you). There is no disgust or disdain in my eyes and yes that would hurt me too if people looked at me that way. You are a WORTHWHILE human being who deserves love, caring, and lots of tenderness. Thank you for making yourself so vulnerable to us - you have helped me in your openness. Till later my friend. Here's a hug for you- (T) Nadine Alias: Fido Bandido *NUMERO UNO ON FIDONET MOST WANTED LIST* -- Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!360!1.59!Nadine.Thomas Internet: Nadine.Thomas@p59.f1.n360.z1.fidonet.org