Path: utzoo!utgpu!news-server.csri.toronto.edu!cs.utexas.edu!yale!bunker!hcap!hnews!712!631!Greg.See-Kee
From: Greg.See-Kee@f631.n712.z3.fidonet.org (Greg See-Kee)
Newsgroups: misc.handicap
Subject: Beyond loneliness & isolation
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Date: 20 Jul 90 20:17:07 GMT
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Index Number: 9351

I notice that you don't seem to be using an OFF-LINE MESSAGER
yet.  Try to locate a BBS with Qmail, Silver Xpress or even
OpusMessageKit.   Ask further if you have more trouble.

 AB> The trick for me now is to accept myself as I am.  After a lot
 AB> of years of being tough and always figuring out new ways to do 
 AB> things I am simply out of energy.  It's time for me to do the 
 AB> grieving for what I've lost and figure out what is important 
 AB> and what is not so that I can cut out some more things I can no 
 AB> longer do.  

I'm glad that you have recognised these as the essential &
unavoidable steps of the early stages of the Disability
Bereavement process.   In the past months, I've described these
steps in outline - but had very little chance to go further.

 AB> It all looks so cut and dried and mechanical when I put it down
 AB> in words like this but it's all a boiling pit inside of me.

There are several stages of this "emotional exploration" that are
best done outside of this keyboarding.  Several that I've tried
are:

 1) Unposted "letters" (full of venom, anger, hostility, etc.)

 2) Posted but heavily censored letters (only the Light & Bright
    pleasantries of the full situation).

 3) Writing several "inventories" of your personal assets (really
    a very detailed resume or "curriculum vitae").  Can detail
    this further if anyone is interested)

 4) "Talking" to your pets & plants

 5) Attempting to attend courses of study

 6) Attempting mail order courses of study

 7) Getting lots of nice junk mail sent to you.

 8) Phoning one or several telephone counselling agencies

 9) Trying to befriend others in worse (!) situations to yourself

10) Trying to talk on talk-back radio programs

11) Collecting & sorting real job advertisements

12) Writing job applications

13) Attending job interviews

14) Trying to return to work - paid or not, full- or part-time.

My own disability was probably the worse that you could ever wish
on anyone.   My brain damage meant that I literally had to
RE-LEARN EVERYTHING: moving, sensing, communicating, "manners",
sleep & feed patterns, etc.   From a coma, to total amnesia of 12
weeks, I've very slowly reached my real age from Day-One to 40
years.  It took me five & a half years to do this re-growth.

 AB> What seems most clear at this
 AB> moment is that I have been living in a self-imposed isolation 
 AB> for a while, slipping deeper and deeper into single minded 
 AB> pursuit of some solitary hobbies.

Like being a teenager or child -- all over again.   An essential
stage in the whole bereavement cycle.

 AB> This seems like a place where I can start
 AB> (in Abled) to do this.

I knew theoretically that there were BILLIONS of people before
me, who had already "graduated" from severe disability.  As you
are finding out however, no-one has yet properly mapped out the
terrain.

This International Fidonet Conference is just one of the tools
for "Empowerment".   I hope that you also explore the other tools
at your disposal.

... c:\dos\sign.lis

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