Path: utzoo!utgpu!news-server.csri.toronto.edu!cs.utexas.edu!yale!bunker!hcap!hnews!260!204!Ann.Parsons From: Ann.Parsons@f204.n260.z1.fidonet.org (Ann Parsons) Newsgroups: misc.handicap Subject: Re: Beyond loneliness & isolation Message-ID: <13129@bunker.UUCP> Date: 25 Jul 90 16:26:41 GMT Sender: wtm@bunker.UUCP Reply-To: Ann.Parsons@f204.n260.z1.fidonet.org Distribution: misc Organization: FidoNet node 1:260/204 - Flower City Central, Chili NY Lines: 129 Approved: wtm@bunker.UUCP Index Number: 9498 Hi Adrienne and Greg, AB>> grieving for what I've lost and figure out what is important AB>> and what is not so that I can cut out some more things I can no AB>> longer do. As I said before, Adrienne, good searching to you. Keep it up! >"I'm glad that you have recognised these as the essential & >"unavoidable steps of the early stages of the Disability >"Bereavement process. In the past months, I've described these >"steps in outline - but had very little chance to go further. >" AB>> It all looks so cut and dried and mechanical when I put it down AB>> in words like this but it's all a boiling pit inside of me. The more you "put down" the less steam you'll have down there! >"There are several stages of this "emotional exploration" that are >"best done outside of this keyboarding. Several that I've tried >"are: >" >" 1) Unposted "letters" (full of venom, anger, hostility, etc.) Try a diary if letterws addressed to Occupant don't appeal. I got a great deal of emotional support from mine when I lost my boyfriend in 1988. >" 2) Posted but heavily censored letters (only the Light & Bright >" pleasantries of the full situation). Yep, you're right here, Old Curmudgeon. People, that is the run-of-the-mill people don't want to hear about your troubles. >" 3) Writing several "inventories" of your personal assets (really >" a very detailed resume or "curriculum vitae"). Can detail >" this further if anyone is interested) Interesting premise, I think you've got something here. >" 4) "Talking" to your pets & plants Yep, did you know that petting a cat or dog can actually lower your blood pressure? Talking to animals is great! I have a cat that will answer me with miaows. >" 5) Attempting to attend courses of study >" >" 6) Attempting mail order courses of study I think here I like the view of not trying to do anything but doing it. >" 7) Getting lots of nice junk mail sent to you. Yes, this can work too, but what the heck to do with all that paper? The poor driads! >" 8) Phoning one or several telephone counselling agencies >" >" 9) Trying to befriend others in worse (!) situations to yourself Again, don't try, do! >"10) Trying to talk on talk-back radio programs >" >"11) Collecting & sorting real job advertisements Good thought here, makes you look through the possibilities. There's a name for it, but I disremember it now. Something about vocational readiness. Some jargon names anyway. But the theory works. >"12) Writing job applications Gotta send 'em after you write 'em. >"13) Attending job interviews >" >"14) Trying to return to work - paid or not, full- or part-time. Yep, three cheers for volunteerism!!! And if you get back to work, you've gone through the woods. >"My own disability was probably the worse that you could ever wish >"on anyone. My brain damage meant that I literally had to >"RE-LEARN EVERYTHING: moving, sensing, communicating, "manners", >"sleep & feed patterns, etc. From a coma, to total amnesia of 12 >"weeks, I've very slowly reached my real age from Day-One to 40 >"years. It took me five & a half years to do this re-growth. >" AB>> What seems most clear at this AB>> moment is that I have been living in a self-imposed isolation AB>> for a while, slipping deeper and deeper into single minded AB>> pursuit of some solitary hobbies. Dangerous that. But you already know that, or you wouldn't be here, Adrienne. >"Like being a teenager or child -- all over again. An essential >"stage in the whole bereavement cycle. >" AB>> This seems like a place where I can start AB>> (in Abled) to do this. You're right there. >"I knew theoretically that there were BILLIONS of people before >"me, who had already "graduated" from severe disability. As you >"are finding out however, no-one has yet properly mapped out the >"terrain. That, my dear Old Curmudgeon, is cuz everybody's internal landscape is different. We are all individuals. You can't map out this terrain, you can only teach mappping skills to the explorer. >"This International Fidonet Conference is just one of the tools >"for "Empowerment". I hope that you also explore the other tools >"at your disposal. >" >" >"... c:\dos\sign.lis >"--- Via Silver Xpress V2.27 Well, Old Curmudgeon, that's a new signature, I kinda like it, sort of spacy, but it's a signature. Ann P. -- Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!260!204!Ann.Parsons Internet: Ann.Parsons@f204.n260.z1.fidonet.org