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From: Joe.Chamberlain@f140.n150.z1.fidonet.org (Joe Chamberlain)
Newsgroups: misc.handicap
Subject: Re: Checking in
Message-ID: <13291@bunker.UUCP>
Date: 8 Aug 90 21:03:45 GMT
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Index Number: 9620

[This is from the Spinal Injury Conference]

 GF> This is a rather personal topic, I know, so feel free to tell me to
 GF> get lost However, this is probably one of the most stressful aspects
 GF> of becoming a quadriplegic (at least for me, and I am willing to bet 
 GF> many others, too!), that is the prospect of romantic, intimate, and
 GF> especially sexual relationships.  There is very little information 
 GF> not only the physical aspects of a sexual relationship, but perhaps
 GF> importantly the emotional processes involved in establishing one.

        The first time I kissed a girl I wondered if I was doing
it right.  I was scared I had bad breath.  I didn't know which
way to tilt my head so we didn't bump noses.  I was 11.  I had the
same thoughts several years later when I engaged in my first
sexual experience.  Plus, I was afraid of getting her pregrant
or hurting her.

        After I broke my neck things were ever worse.  Insecurity
is the biggest problem.  Is she gonna be turned off by my
wheelchair, by my crippled hands, my urinary applance, or
whatever.  Can she accept me as a lover who cannot perform as
normal men perform.

        You begin to wonder why she wants you.  Why not the other
guy walking around.  Will she regret her decision later.  Why?

        Then somewhere you meet the right girl and everything
just seems right.  You still have all the questions and
insecurities, but they are secondary.  You wonder but you explore
and find mutual satisfaction.  She likes being on top.  You like
sucking her kneecap.  You giggle, laugh, love, make dirty jokes,
and generally fall in love.  You have those secret little
meanings to everything, that no one else shares.

        When that happens enjoy it.  If it lasts forever, then
you are very lucky indeed.  If it lasts for several years, then
you are still very lucky.

        Enjoy.
                                -=joe=-

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