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From: beckwith@sierra.STANFORD.EDU (beckwith)
Newsgroups: soc.feminism
Subject: Name Change After Marriage
Message-ID: <220@sierra.STANFORD.EDU>
Date: 17 Aug 90 00:36:03 GMT
Sender: nadel@aerospace.aero.org
Distribution: usa
Organization: Stanford University
Lines: 33
Approved: nadel@aerospace.aero.org
Status: R

>It seems to me (a male) that changing your name shows belonging/ 
>allegiance/ownership/subservience/possession/etc (you pick the
>word) to your husband.  How do you see it?

First, I am not now, nor have I ever been married, but I have always
thought I would never "take my husband's name" should I marry.  Period.

I agree that changing your name shows all of the above listed things,
and it seems to me to hark back to the days when a man owned his wife,
literally owned her, legally.

But the other problem I see is one of self identity.  I know a woman
who has been divorced 3 times and now is married the 4th time.
Between each marriage she takes back her real ("maiden") name, then
when she marries she takes her current husband's name.  It seems to me,
somewhere along the line you would lose track of who you are.  I have
not discussed this with this women because she is a little defensive
whenever the subject of multiple marriages comes up, even when no one
is talking about her specifically.  I'd like to know how the
married women in net.soc.feminism.land feel about this (potential)
loss of identity.

As for the hyphenated name, the women I know who have started out with
"her last name-his last name" have found it so cumbersome that they
ended up dropping their own name and taking the husband's.  Some have
deeply regretted not keeping their own name, others are not very
concerned about it.

I have wondered if there are any couples who have merged their two last names
and created a new name (then both partners take the new name).  I might
consider doing something like that.  It would be like marking the
start of a new adventure.  Is there anyone out there who has done this?

Sharleen