Path: utzoo!utgpu!news-server.csri.toronto.edu!cs.utexas.edu!swrinde!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!mips!dimacs.rutgers.edu!aramis.rutgers.edu!athos.rutgers.edu!christian From: walsh@iccgcc.decnet.ab.com Newsgroups: soc.religion.christian Subject: Re: Anger & Dating for the first time: Message-ID: Date: 24 Aug 90 08:02:33 GMT Sender: hedrick@athos.rutgers.edu Lines: 97 Approved: christian@aramis.rutgers.edu In article , randall@sidd.sandiego.ncr.com writes: > > Has this happened to anyone lately? I am a 39 year old man, just starting > to date now, as I have "kept myself pure" for that special person. Actually > I am finding out that most normal people have already married, settled down > and are raising children. > Thankyou very much for posting this. Religion passes or fails muster because of the effects it has on us, and for you to share your own experiances is really illuminating. > Basically, I am wrestling with thoughts that I have spent all those 18-21 > years for nothing; thoughts that all that's left out there are psychological > misfits; A lot of what was originally there 18-21 years ago were psychol. misfits too, but i guess where you are going to lose out is that people your age are settled into their "misfitness", so you won't get a chance to grow with anyone while you're both still young and maleable - but even so there are very sweet and good people who are middle-aged. It's just harder to fit comfortably into their lives. Of course, you can always go after a younger partner, but in age-obsessed America that's very hard. > thoughts of anger with legalistic authority that closets people away > from developing normal social relationships, under the guise of "holiness > and purity". I feel cheated and deceived, thinking that I was doing the right > thing by praying for hours on end, living a very chaste and pure life, giving > tithes and offerings, attending church morning, noon, and night. Like Paul, > I could say that I came from the strictest sect of the Pharisees, and did > everything right by the Book. Well, this is a bitter pill, but maybe you were cheated and deceived to some extent (aren't we all?) I think the main question here is: If true religion is a means to bring you closer to God - what happened? What kind of prayer left you lonely and dry after all those years? Maybe you can correct it. Would it be judgemental to assume that it didn't fill you with love, but with self-righteousness? How come your gurus didn't catch this and correct it? How come YOU didn't? (don't mean to critisize - just to point to some basic mental attitudes that might be making you unhappy.) > > But having had a very bad anxiety attack a month ago, watching my brother's > children date now, and having no person at all in my life, despite the fact > that I was a worship team member in a small church, have lots of married > couples as friends, well liked by the pastors, prayed literally hours on > end to meet that special person, etc, etc, I feel that I have been led down > the primrose path into monastic monkhood and celibalistic stupidity. Sure, celibacy is stupid if it's involutary. Worse, your prayer went nowhere. People always mouth like robots quotes like: "Ask and you shall receive" but in the real world it's just not that easy. Distrust easy cliche's - even if they're yanked out of the bible. > > Can anyone help me overcome my feelings of anger towards do-gooder Christians > who are only too eager to spew advice at a moments notice and closet people > for 15-20 years with bad teaching? (I can supply names of such who were > adversely affected) I find my trust of Christian authorities to be diminishing. > Why should I respect someone whose advice screws up my life? They don't seem > to want to take responsibility afterwords for their effects of their words. > My problem with contemporary "Christianity" (I don't think it really is) is that it's a religion of the mouth rather than of the heart. Very shallow and wordy. Exoteric rather than esoteric. I learned quick after an Assm. of God preacher robbed me of mucho money. Your trust *should* be diminished - some of them are phonies. This is part of religion - it attracts shallow (and some very sick) people like sh*t attracts flies. That's the nature of the beast. Sorry you were into it too deeply to figure it out. "Responsibility for their words"? That's too much to ask, my friend - all you got to worry about is taking responsibility for your own life, and applying scientific method to religion - if it's not working chuck your hypothesis and start fresh. > Anyone care to make some comments or offer non-Jobian advice? Care to help > me overcome my anger which could become resentment and bitterness? Please > don't give me that crap about "godliness with contentment", please be real! > Hose the bullsh*t off your boots. Grab a six_pack and head for the beach. Not much you can do now. Try to find a true path to God. Open up, read books you would have considered "heretical" and "demonic" a few months ago. Don't dwell on bad feelings. Those who you say duped you are duped themselves. All this might be flat beer, but what can we say? > Thanks, for letting me get out my inner feelings. Help me not feel cheated, > deceived, duped, and used. Thanks, again. > > - Randall (who's beginning to know why the > world isn't impressed by Christians) > Thanks for letting us know how you feel. To learn late is better than learning even later. ando. (i'm not impressed - but then i don't call them christians)