Path: utzoo!utgpu!news-server.csri.toronto.edu!cs.utexas.edu!swrinde!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!mips!dimacs.rutgers.edu!aramis.rutgers.edu!athos.rutgers.edu!christian From: mead!mead!nxh@cis.ohio-state.edu (Nobuya Higashiyama) Newsgroups: soc.religion.christian Subject: Re: Anger & Dating for the first time: (long!) Message-ID: Date: 24 Aug 90 08:18:24 GMT Sender: hedrick@athos.rutgers.edu Organization: Mead Data Central, Dayton OH Lines: 103 Approved: christian@aramis.rutgers.edu I don't mean to be inflammatory in any way in this posting: my apologies in advance for possible offense. In article randall@sidd.sandiego.ncr.com writes: >Has this happened to anyone lately? I am a 39 year old man, just starting >to date now, as I have "kept myself pure" for that special person. Actually >I am finding out that most normal people have already married, settled down >and are raising children. I'm not quite sure what you mean by "keeping yourself pure". I'm getting the feeling that you haven't dated people because you've been waiting for that special someone to "drop into your life". I also sense that you've been taught that it's wrong to date around. Dating does not constitute a compromise of one's purity (unless you're talking about sexual involvement). If you've been taught that by dating you're compromising your purity, they you've been taught wrong. Dating is a process where you get to know people of the other sex. Without dating, how can you know if a particular person is that "special person" you're looking for? >Basically, I am wrestling with thoughts that I have spent all those 18-21 >years for nothing; thoughts that all that's left out there are psychological >misfits; thoughts of anger with legalistic authority that closets people away >from developing normal social relationships, under the guise of "holiness >and purity". I feel cheated and deceived, thinking that I was doing the right >thing by praying for hours on end, living a very chaste and pure life, giving >tithes and offerings, attending church morning, noon, and night. Like Paul, >I could say that I came from the strictest sect of the Pharisees, and did >everything right by the Book. > >But having had a very bad anxiety attack a month ago, watching my brother's >children date now, and having no person at all in my life, despite the fact >that I was a worship team member in a small church, have lots of married >couples as friends, well liked by the pastors, prayed literally hours on >end to meet that special person, etc, etc, I feel that I have been led down >the primrose path into monastic monkhood and celibalistic stupidity. The sense I'm getting from your posting is "I've done this and that for the Lord, but look how it's turned out". Perhaps I detect a little bit of bitterness stemming from your perception that God hasn't kept his end of the bargain. All good things come from God, and we don't deserve any of it. God, in His infinite grace, gave us our lives, our jobs, material things, etc. Yet in this day and age, we're brainwashed by the world into thinking that we "deserve" life of peace and prosperity, and when there are difficult times, we're being short- changed by God. There is no place for "rights" and "bargaining" in the kingdom of God. It's only by His grace that we're even alive. If it's true that you've been taught wrong, then your teachers will have to answer to God for their actions. You are probably right in feeling indignant about the wrong teachings. On the other hand, though, you probably shouldn't blame God for what happened. Also, let me say that you have been doing the right thing by praying, living a pure life, giving offerings, and attending church regularly. However if you were doing all of the above for the wrong motive (i.e. to "get the girl"), then perhaps God may not have been pleased with it all. I speak from experience here. There was a particular young lady I was interested in, and I did all of the above to "convince" the Lord into working things out for me. In the end it didn't work out, and the Lord used this painful experience to teach me that my motives for "Christian service" must be right, i.e. the motive must be to serve and please God, not so that I can coax God into giving me things I wanted. >Can anyone help me overcome my feelings of anger towards do-gooder Christians >who are only too eager to spew advice at a moments notice and closet people >for 15-20 years with bad teaching? (I can supply names of such who were >adversely affected) I find my trust of Christian authorities to be diminishing. >Why should I respect someone whose advice screws up my life? They don't seem >to want to take responsibility afterwords for their effects of their words. If these Christian authorities have been teaching you wrong, then I can't blame you for your anger. There's nothing worse than wrong teachings, and indeed the Word is clear that teachers will be held more accountable because of the impact they have on people's lives. I'm sorry that you've been subject to wrong teachings. Indeed there's plenty of bad teachings these days. If anything, I think that should encourage us to study the Word for ourselves to see if what our teachers are saying is indeed so. Only the Word is the final authority. I think it's good that your trust in Christian authorities are diminishing. Cases like the Bakkers and Swagger are enough to show that Christian authorities are still human beings, prone to sins and errors. Your trust should rest only upon the Word, not on teachings of men. Perhaps this experience will drive you into studying the Word on your own more carefully, definitely a Good Thing. I sense a little bit of despair, but don't lose hope! The last thing you want to do at this point is to get involved in a reckless relationship with a woman who has no regard for God. I think it's good that you've started to date; I'd just suggest that you keep your eyes open, to make sure that you're dating only women who are dedicated to serving God, and who's interested in upholding His standards. And 39 is not too old -- I have a friend who recently married at the age of 35; it took him this long to find the "special person". I'm 28 now, and I haven't found that "special person" yet (I may be close :-)), but I'm glad that I haven't compromised myself, and in the end, I believe that God will be faithful. Not because I've done this and that, but because He promises it simply out of His inifinite grace (Psalm 84:11, if my memory serves correctly). Higgy -- Nobuya "Higgy" Higashiyama | ____/| Data Integrity Systems | \ o.O| Vote for Bill in '92! Mead Data Central, Dayton, OH | =(_)= mead!nxh@uccba.uc.edu (or) ...!uccba!mead!nxh | U ACK! THPHTH!