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From: canada@tc.fluke.COM (Galena Alyson Canada)
Newsgroups: soc.feminism
Subject: Re: Name Change After Marriage
Message-ID: <1990Aug27.193416.19394@tc.fluke.COM>
Date: 27 Aug 90 19:34:16 GMT
References: <220@sierra.STANFORD.EDU>
Sender: nadel@aerospace.aero.org
Distribution: usa
Organization: John Fluke Mfg. Co., Inc., Everett, WA
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Approved: nadel@aerospace.aero.org


In article <220@sierra.STANFORD.EDU> beckwith@sierra.STANFORD.EDU (beckwith) writes:
>But the other problem I see is one of self identity.  
[ ... ]
>Sharleen

I take names quite seriously, and for precisely this reason.  

In the process of becoming me, I went a step beyond the husband's-
vs.-maiden name question.  I abandoned my maiden/father's name and went
back to my (late) mother's maiden name.  (Basically, I hated my father;
I identified with and wanted to preserve my mother.  I never knew her
father, so "Canada" was, for me, uniquely her.)

Where the "identity" issue became interesting was in my daughters'
reactions to my name change:  My (then) 18-year-old kept her name (my
maiden name) unchanged, while my (then) eight-year-old asked me to
change hers with mine.  I read this as so:  It's not where the name
originated, but what its identity is *now*, that matters.  I was
destroying my ties to my father and reconnecting to my mother; my
teenager was in (the normal) rebel mode, *damned* if she was going to
changer *her* name (I never suggested, dear...); and my little one's
identity is still basically that of Mom, including the need to stay
with her.

I feel it is valuable to preserve the paternal line, and this tradition
should be honored.  I feel that preservation of the maternal line is
every bit as valuable -- in fact, crucial to an independent female
identity -- and both my daughters are, in their own way, doing just
that.  We'll see what happens when they mate...

As for me, no man will ever name me again...

(Attitude?  Me?)

'Lena