Path: utzoo!utgpu!news-server.csri.toronto.edu!cs.utexas.edu!yale!bunker!hcap!hnews!123!13.2!Rusty.Ferguson
From: Rusty.Ferguson@p2.f13.n123.z1.fidonet.org (Rusty Ferguson)
Newsgroups: misc.handicap
Subject: Re: ASKING FOR HELP
Message-ID: <14463@bunker.UUCP>
Date: 27 Sep 90 16:44:12 GMT
Sender: wtm@bunker.UUCP
Reply-To: Rusty.Ferguson@p2.f13.n123.z1.fidonet.org
Distribution: misc
Organization: FidoNet node 1:123/13.2 - The NiteMare BBS, Memphis TN
Lines: 69
Approved: wtm@bunker.UUCP

Index Number: 10651

AW>I dont' understand what she meant by saying you knew to much
AW>about labels. Did she mean that you know some things, but not
AW>enough?  I wonder why she didn't tell you what you couldn't
AW>remember.  How often do you go?  I really hope this helps

Yes she meant I know too much but not enough.

I have been in the hospital for the last week and a half.  I finally just 
couldn't take it any more and had a complete nervous breakdown.  Doc said it 
is partially physical partly not, I would agree with.  I ask the psy. today 
if was manic depressive.  He said he didn't know yet.  Talking about labels!
I have defiantly seen some scary things while in the hospital.   I mean just 
real people with severe mental disorders, often they are extremely 
intelligent and\or talented but will never be taken seriously because of 
their problems.

I'm on a pass today, will be out again tomorrow.  I expect another week in 
the hospital before I begin the road back to my normal life again.

AW>days after I went I was back to my old self.  I thinks that's
AW>good < yuk, yuk >.  I don't like to think about how I felt

That can be a scary thought.  >grin<

AW>all behind me know and I'd just as soon forget about it.  Did
AW>the mail I send you help at all?  It had some pretty good

I'll have to go see if it is there.  It was not a week and a half ago.

AW>emotional problems.  Is it the Lupus itself that causes them
AW>or is it having to deal with the disease that causes them?

Lupus itself causes physical emotional problems.  There is some word that 
starts with a "c" I think that will sometimes show up in a cat scan but only 
when the die is used or vasculities (which I do have) can cause psychosis. 
However, I am still responding to the environment, my outburst of rage 
occurs when someone does something I don't like.  But my reaction is a gross 
over re-action. On the last explosion, I bit down so hard that I made my 
gums bleed.  I don't care what happens to me at that point.  I guess for a 
short moment I am insane.  I quickly forget details of what happened once it 
is over.  I think the lupus is just severe enough that I could no longer 
cope with everyday stressors.  While in the hospital, I have had two 
occasions where I felt this rage, yet there was no reason for it.  There was 
no stress, nothing had upset me, but I wanted to explode.  I didn't! 
However, this tells me that this rage is within me.  The next time I feel 
like exploding I have to remember that the person that I think is causing 
the reaction is not.  That they just added to it.  There is something inside 
causing me to feel that way, it is not anyone and with that I hope to stay 
in control.  The docs seem to think that with this I have found a means to 
cope.  I think they are right.  I sure hope so.

AW>can that be controlled by anti-inflammatory drugs like asprin
AW>or prednisone etc?  I keep you and Patricia in my prayers

Prednisone can cause a psychosis.  I don't know how it is controlled.  I 
expect as long as I can control it at all the preferred approach is a 
re-learning of coping methods.  I guess once I can't, then it will be time 
for a more aggressive medical approach.  Only time will tell.

AW>things settle down for you soon, you deserve a break.

They have but what a way to get there.  >grin<  Thanks for the concern.  
 

--
Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!123!13.2!Rusty.Ferguson
Internet: Rusty.Ferguson@p2.f13.n123.z1.fidonet.org