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From: ellene@microsoft.UUCP (Ellen EADES)
Newsgroups: soc.feminism
Subject: Re: Personal Change
Message-ID: <58384@microsoft.UUCP>
Date: 19 Oct 90 21:18:52 GMT
References: <656193285@romeo.cs.duke.edu>
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In article <656193285@romeo.cs.duke.edu> cel@cs.duke.EDU (Chris Lane) writes:
>I have a friend who really needs her husband to change his awareness, [...]
>no way to count on him changing, but by Godd(ess), he needs to change.
>What are ways to impel people to decide to change?

I realized, less than a year ago, how impossible it is to impel
someone to change unless it wants to change.

You make two contradictory statements above.  In your first sentence,
your friend needs her husband to change.  In your later sentence, your
friend's husband needs to change.  What makes you think that these
statements are both true?  What makes you think either of them is
true?

I think part of feminism is the ability to look at yourself, set
goals, make hard decisions, and live your life as you want to.  If
your friend's first priority is remaining with her husband, she needs
to accept that he is unlikely to change.  If your friend's first
priority is a change, she needs to accept that her husband may not be
a person who can live through a change with her.  Sometimes life does
present us with dichotomies and choices, and I think feminism is
ideally suited for helping decide which choice you will follow.

Ellen Eades