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From: rob@mtdiablo.Concord.CA.US (Rob Boldbear)
Newsgroups: sci.med.aids
Subject: Re: JOHN testing +, and friends concern
Message-ID: <40706@shemp.CS.UCLA.EDU>
Date: 28 Oct 90 15:59:26 GMT
References: <40699@shemp.CS.UCLA.EDU>
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In article <40699@shemp.CS.UCLA.EDU> Michael T Mucci) writes:
>LOSS... a loss ofhealth.. a loss of future  perhaps.... and ALL of us who 
>experience loss go thru sever predicatble stages. .as outlined by ELIZABETH 
>KULBER ROSS (who has an excellent new book out on loss and 
>AIDS-paperback--get it for yourself)....they are:
>
>DENIAL
>ANGER
>DEPRESSION
>BARGAINING-OH PLEASE GOD.MAKE ME BETTER,, I SWEAR ILL GO TO CHURCH EVERYDAY
>ACCEPTANCE

I thought long ago this was shown to be wrong. These aren't stages at all.
Sure when people experience a "loss", they go through periods when they
feel one or more of these five, but they aren't stages:
	- they often don't occur in sequence
	- a person might return to one of those feelings multiple times
	- a person might not experience all give
	- a person might experience more than one at a time

The fact that these really don't come in sequential stages is crucial to
my next point.

>this is a process... it takes time.. John is obviously at the DENIAL stage.
>and for a good reason.. perhaps his conscious mind could not handle the 
>NEWS NOW>...... and hed FLIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!>. this is a protection factor of 
>the EGO..... you dont want to push someone too soon to accept something 
>that is so terrible they may not have the coping skills to deal with it.
>
>let him be... and in all politiness BACK OFF
>take that caring you have for  him soo much and show it by allowing him HIS 
>space and time to deal with this awakening...

What is denial? It's a refusal to see the world as it really is.

The "stage" theory might mislead us on a few points:

	- "Each of the stages are natural and useful defense mechanisms."

	  True but misleading.  Denial is not always in the best
	  interests of the person.  E.g.  denial can be very dangerous.
	  A person who is in denial about a serious situation can make
	  the serious situation worse because they are not dealing with
	  it in accordance with it's true nature.  A person who denies
	  they have a health problem may not take the precautions useful
	  for reducing risks to their health.

	- "A given stage will end at a natural and appropriate time, so
	  let it run its course."

	  Denial can persist longer than it serves the best interest of
	  the individual. A person can return to denial later on.
-- 
Rob Bernardo                             Mt. Diablo Software Solutions    _ /
email: rob@mtdiablo.Concord.CA.US        phone: (415) 827-4301           <_/><
S0/8 b-/+ g- l y- z- n o a-- u+ v-- j-   P6   B2 f+ t- dvcv sv w- m+ r+ p / 
"If religious institutions are going to suck on the public teat, they shouldn't talk while their mouths are full." - Jack Carroll