Path: utzoo!attcan!uunet!midway!ncar!elroy.jpl.nasa.gov!aero!SGI.COM
From: ann%labrys.wpd.sgi.com@SGI.COM (Ann Mei Chang)
Newsgroups: soc.feminism
Subject: Re: rumor or truth--lesbian relationships
Message-ID: <89803@aerospace.AERO.ORG>
Date: 26 Oct 90 14:37:37 GMT
Sender: nadel@aerospace.aero.org
Lines: 38
Approved: nadel@aerospace.aero.org



In article <3236@yang.earlham.edu> davej@yang.earlham.edu (David A.
Jeroslow) writes:
>A female friend of mine told me something about lesbian relationships.
>She is heterosexual.
>
>"Gay male relationships are more likely to be based on a genuine love
>and sexual attraction, whereas gay female relationships are often
>based on a mutual anger toward men."

As a lesbian, I am bewildered whenever I hear this common
misperception that lesbians hate men, or even bond on that basis.
First of all, let me state this is not at all true for any
"gay female relationships" I personally have been in.  In addition,
this has not appeared to be true for any of the many lesbian friends
I have.

For me, being a lesbian means focusing my energy towards women,
because I love women.  Anger towards men does not enter into the
picture: I just don't put much energy towards men, positive OR
negative, for the most part.  I don't understand why people often
seem to confuse this desire to focus energy on other women as
necessarily a result of anger towards men.  It has nothing to do with
men.  Perhaps men just can't figure out why we would want to focus
energy on anyone else unless we were angry at them???

If anything, my interactions with women has seemed to indicate that
straight women for the most part have more anger (if any) towards
men than lesbians in general.  This is because men are a larger part
of their lives, so there are opportunities for men to do things which
anger them (i.e. a boyfriend being abusive or having an affair).  
Wheras, as a lesbian who doesn't interact much with men
on a personal level, men just don't figure into my world, so there
isn't much to be angry at them about on a personal level.

OO  Ann
++  ann@sgi.com