Path: utzoo!attcan!uunet!wuarchive!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!samsung!olivea!oliveb!bunker!wtm
From: kathyj@pase70.Convergent.Com (Kathy Johnson)
Newsgroups: misc.handicap
Subject: Re: Losing my ygirlfriend..
Message-ID: <15400@bunker.UUCP>
Date: 5 Nov 90 15:26:46 GMT
References: <15248@bunker.UUCP>
Sender: wtm@bunker.UUCP
Reply-To: kathyj@pase70.Convergent.Com (Kathy Johnson)
Distribution: misc
Organization: Unisys Network Computing Group (CT), San Jose, CA
Lines: 58
Approved: wtm@bunker.UUCP

Index Number: 11498

In article <15248@bunker.UUCP> Tom.Lipovits@f3.n157.z1.fidonet.org writes:
>Index Number: 11366
>
>I had a head injury nov.  '89 which was caused, unfortunately by the 
>husband of a girl my girlfriend used to know about 10 years ago. 
>Specifically I wqas shot in he head, so this huy couldsteal mycar.  The 
>bad part is my parents are blaming my girlfriend because she used toknow 
>this girl.  Now they are tryingto separate us because of this and I 
>can't handle losing her. We were planning ongetting married his fall, 
>but twe'dwait if I needed to. [. . .]
[quotes deleted]
>[. . .] I just cant take 
>it any  more, I have to find a way out of this hell I live in.

Please don't give up!  I know that the problems seem overwhelming, but 
if you can hold on to hope and keep demonstrating to your parents that 
just because you have been injured doesn't mean you have become a child 
again they will come to realize that they are responding to the trauma 
of what happened and trying to protect you from life.  Parents 
sometimes try to protect their children from the hurts of life and 
feel responsible when their children are hurt, even when the child 
is an adult.  They are probably going through a lot of regrets and guilt 
that they weren't able to keep this from happening to you and are 
reacting with hostility to anyone (your fiance) who seems to 
represent the tragedy.  Do you have other friends who visit you?
If you can show your parents that you are still able to interact with
others as an adult, and that although you are hurt adults must take 
care of themselves and their own decisions perhaps they will see 
how protecting you from life is really taking life away from you.

Keep in touch with your fiance as much as you can.  If you are unable to 
write directly to her, you can email a message to me and I will print 
it out and place it in an envelope for you and post it.  

You don't mention how extensive your disabilities are, but some areas 
where you might be able to demonstrate that you are still independent are 
selecting what you will wear, making choices for yourself when they 
come up (for instance choosing what to spend time doing, who to see or 
call, etc.)  This does not mean that you must pretend that you are 
invincably strong.  It is okay to show your parents that you feel 
a sense of hopelessness or helplessness when they take away the 
independent choices and activities that you are able to handle and 
expect to have as an adult.

Good luck!  I will be praying for you.  (I hope you are not offended by 
prayer.)

Kathy M. Johnson
(One of the luckier polio survivors)

ctnews!risky!pase70!kathyj

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Kathy M. Johnson			Unisys has, takes, or claims 
Unisys, San Jose			absolutely no responsibility
					for this posting.