Path: utzoo!attcan!uunet!wuarchive!usc!apple!sun-barr!rutgers!aramis.rutgers.edu!athos.rutgers.edu!christian From: edb@sequoia.execu.com (Ed Barker) Newsgroups: soc.religion.christian Subject: Re: divorce and remarriage Message-ID: Date: 6 Nov 90 03:10:02 GMT Sender: hedrick@athos.rutgers.edu Organization: Execucom Systems Corp Lines: 45 Approved: christian@aramis.rutgers.edu I want to share some of my reflections concerning the breakup of my marriage. My prayer is that this discussion of divorce will help someone who may be facing the same problems. My wife filed for divorce a year ago. I spent the last 5 years (of a marriage which lasted 20 years) knowing that there were deep problems in my marriage, but being unwilling to confront any of them. My reasoning went something like this: I know that the Bible says divorce is wrong. My wife is driving me nuts. But she will never change. So I have only 2 choices; live with her as she is, or get a divorce. But since divorce is wrong, I must live with her as she is. This, of course didn't work. It caused me to repress my anger rather than dealing with it, which of course ment that I exploded in ungodly anger at the wrong times. And the problems just got worse, to the point where I finally had to confront them. But by then it was too late, my wife had no desire to work on any of these things. If there is someone else out there who is now suffering in a bad marriage, my plea would be that you not let "fear of divorce" keep you from getting help. Anger cannot be buried, ignored, covered up, etc.; it must be dealt with. So please see a pastor or Christian marriage counselor. Now after suffering with this bad marriage for 5 years, I finally did go to a Christian marriage counselor. But my wife refused to go with me. She filed for the divorce instead. I know some will disagree, but I really believe that 1 Corintians 7 applies in this situation. Recall that Paul said here that if a believer is married to an unbeliever and if the unbeliever wants the marriage disolved, the believer is then under no obligation to the unbeliever and is free to marry again, but only to another believer. In Romans 8 Paul says "All things work together for good for those who love the Lord." And although divorce is a very bad thing, I really believe that God has used my divorce for good in my life. I was a nominal Christian before it, just showing up for church on Sunday but not really trying to relate to God in any manner during the rest of the week. God used my divorce to get my attention, to show me how despirately I need to rely on His strength and not my own. To God alone be all Glory and Praise. Ed Barker Austin, Texas