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From: bch@uncecs.edu (Byron C. Howes)
Newsgroups: sci.bio,alt.romance,soc.men,soc.women,soc.singles
Subject: Re: Are Humans Naturally Monogamous?
Message-ID: <1990Nov29.201215.14890@uncecs.edu>
Date: 29 Nov 90 20:12:15 GMT
References: <5869@crash.cts.com> <1990Nov29.180827.10813@watserv1.waterloo.edu>
Organization: UNC Educational Computing Service
Lines: 42

In <1990Nov29.180827.10813@watserv1.waterloo.edu> alternat@watserv1.waterloo.edu (Ann Hodgins) writes:

>My own beliefs about humans and monogamy are the result of coming of age in
>the 60s.  Many people then truly believed that they could simply shed their
>'hangups' and by following their hearts could have many happy and free sexual
>relationships with a variety of men and women.
>The consequences of this were tragicommic.  People tried not to feel emotions
>like jealousy but did anyway.  Eventually, the 'laid back' hippies
>would lose their self-control and erupt into screaming and fisticuffs. 

Having come of age in the '60s myself, I never actually witnessed this
phenomenon.  I did, however, see an emphasis on the more, um, spectacular
features of relationships (like sex, living together) and the expense of
the more delicate and important emotional components.  Somewhere in there
we got sex all mixed up with love, and I'm not sure they've been unscrambled
since.

Some folks made it just fine.  I know many people who are quite happy in
non-monogamous relationships that have continued for many years.  As with
other nontraditional lifestyles they aren't particularly open about them
in an inherently conservative society, but they exist and are alive and well.

Others of us are not.  While not inherently a jealous sort, I'm emotionally
confused by polygamy and prefer monogamous relationships.  That's just who
I am and what I prefer.  Don't ask me why.

>After watching these scenarios unfold for a while and after much soul
>searching I decided that the so called 'hang ups' were a basic part of
>human nature and something we have to face and accomodate.

I think they're a basic part of some of our natures and if so, we ought
to observe them.  If not, there's no need.  The only rub comes when someone
who ought to be minding his or her own business tries to tell us that we
should take our intimacy "with" or "without."  Each of us can decide to
handle what we want on our own.

--Byron
-- 
Byron Howes			  UNC Educational Computing Service
bch@uncecs.edu			   W: 919/549-0671  H: 919/933-2859
P.O. Box 663, Carrboro, NC  27510-0663
   "Ya talk the talk, but do ya walk the walk?" -- Animal Mother