Path: utzoo!utgpu!news-server.csri.toronto.edu!cs.utexas.edu!swrinde!elroy.jpl.nasa.gov!ncar!gatech!rutgers!aramis.rutgers.edu!athos.rutgers.edu!christian From: kpsst1@unix.cis.pitt.edu (Kent P Stiegler) Newsgroups: soc.religion.christian Subject: intermarraige Message-ID: Date: 27 Nov 90 08:37:46 GMT Sender: hedrick@athos.rutgers.edu Organization: Univ. of Pittsburgh, Computing & Information Services Lines: 47 Approved: christian@aramis.rutgers.edu I'm a Jewish guy with a question about how intermarraiges are handled these days. If you have experience with this situation, I would greatly appreciate you sharing your views with me, as I am very confused about it. Firstly, I am not seeking an ethics-argument about whether it's good or bad. Obviously it's against the laws of Torah, but being a Reform Jew, it would not be the first time I have disobeyed the letter of the law. Secondly, I understand that the "rules", if any, regarding the appropriate program for an actual ceremony between a Jew and a Gentile do not exist in our traditional prayer or law-books. The Torah says that a Jew cannot marry a Gentile. Yet there are reform Synagogues and reform Rabbis that participate in intermarriages. Who decides how to resolve this apparent contradiction? How is the ceremony conducted? I have attended two intermarraige weddings, both of them between male Jewish friends and Catholics. The first was handled simply in a courtroom by a JP without any denominational references. The parents could not resolve their problem, the couple didn't want to bother arguing about it anymore, so they just kept it simple. The second was unusual. "Joshua" was raised in a conservative environment until his Barmitzvah, after which his only exposure to Jewish customs was on the high holidays. He attended a public school and eventually, following his many cousin's suit, dated mostly Gentile girls. It was not a rebelion, he just liked them and spent time with them. "Chris" was raised in a Protestant environment, and her religious involvment declined in a manner similar to Josh's. They dated for a couple years then decided to live together. Chris' family wouldn't permit that and "persuaded" her to marry first. In love and ready to start a life together, they agreed. Josh, very busy with a new career, literally didn't care how the arrangments were made. Chris' folks handled it. So they ceremony was conducted by a JP in a garden-setting without religious incidentals... EXCEPT for "Here Comes the Bride" march, some lines about "Do you swear in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost" and one mention of Jesus Christ. Of course, these Christian inclusions were made without approval of Josh or his parents (they just winced and suffered through it). Therefore, for all intents and purposes, it was conducted as a Christian wedding. Now, I know Josh, and he is a wimp. He does not think much of his parents and probably does not realize how seriously he dishonered them by repeating his vows with Christian wording. But could he have retained a Rabbi and a Priest to do a dual-demoninational wedding? Is there a resolution? Thanks in advance for your response. Gar.