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From: kathyj@pase70.Convergent.Com (Kathy Johnson)
Newsgroups: misc.handicap
Subject: Re: Thanksgiving
Message-ID: <16347@bunker.UUCP>
Date: 10 Dec 90 03:48:27 GMT
References: <16128@bunker.UUCP>
Sender: wtm@bunker.UUCP
Reply-To: kathyj@pase70.Convergent.Com (Kathy Johnson)
Distribution: misc
Organization: Unisys Network Computing Group (CT), San Jose, CA
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Approved: wtm@bunker.UUCP

Index Number: 12428

In article <16128@bunker.UUCP> Chris.Brown@f113.n163.z1.fidonet.org writes:
>Index Number: 12212
>
>A friend of mine who is a disabled activist says there are statistics 
>indicating that when one person of a couple becomes disabled, the other 
>usually leaves.  The rate of abandonment is higher if it is the woman who 
>becomes disabled.  Many members of our self help group have all kinds of 
>problems with relatives and close family over their inability to accept 
>and get on with life.  
>

I can believe those stats because the same kind of numbers occur
when there is death of a child or a similar crises.  I know of one
couple who divorced after the wife's last remaining relative (her
mother) died.  She basically threw out her whole life (all her
keepsakes and family heirlooms) and ran off with a used car
salesman she had known for 2 days.  I think that when something
beyond our control drastically changes our lives, there is an
impulse to pitch everything and run.  Of course if you understand
that the impulse is natural, but not neccessarily in your own best
interest, you can overcome it and handle panic in a more productive
way.

I would like to believe that if my husband became severely disabled
that our relationship would continue.  I know that my husband puts
up with a lot (carrying some of the load for things that I simply
am unable to do when my chronic condition recurs, and putting up
with my frustration/self anger at not being able to do those things
myself) and I am only intermitantly disabled in minor ways.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Kathy M. Johnson			Unisys has, takes, or claims 
Unisys, San Jose			absolutely no responsibility
					for this posting.