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From: Adrienne.Barhydt@p15.f41.n105.z1.fidonet.org (Adrienne Barhydt)
Newsgroups: misc.handicap
Subject: Re: dealing with life in a chair
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Date: 8 Jan 91 18:57:44 GMT
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Index Number: 12744

[This is from the Spinal Injury Conference]

On Fri, Dec 14 Allen Marker (1:105/14) wrote the following to Adrienne Barhydt: 
 
 AM>Thanks for the input Adrienne. I was hurt 8 years ago and i know 
 AM>that sounds like along time but for me it seems like it was 
 AM>yesterday and an eterinty. It sounds like you have a good grasp 
 AM>on how to go on with your life and i was wondering, did you have 
 AM>someone to help you cope or did you have to do it on your own? If 
 AM>you dont mind telling me i would be interested in what you have 
 AM>to offer. Maybe its just the way i am but i cant really let go of 
 AM>the past. It dosent hold me prisoner all the time but once in 
 AM>awhile i cant seem to shake it and all the things that i've been 
 AM>trying to do to better myself dont seem to matter. does this ever 
 AM>happen to you? If you like i would like to talk again so let me 
 AM>know ok? bye

i think the turning point for me was when i accepted my current
situation as reality.  i didn't get there alone.  i went for some
counselling which i found very helpful.  i try to focus on things
now in the context of what i am capable of now.  i try to give
myself a mental pat on the back for things that i do based on how i
am now not with any sort of comparison to how i used to be.

part of letting go of the past has been grieving some.  the losses
are real and there is no reason to minimize them.  i think that by
acknowledging the losses and grieving for them it becomes possible
for the past to sort of fade.  it is still there but it doesn't
control how i experience the present.

it's the recent past that is a problem for me.  i have ms, the type
that gets steadily worse with no remissions.  so in a few months
time i seem to acquire a whole new set of losses to grieve and a
bunch of new things to deal with.  (you'd think i'd be an expert at
this by now :-) )  i have down times.  i wonder if that ever goes
away for anyone.  i guess the thing to do with the down times is to
be able to recognize when it's happening and develop a technique
for pulling yourself out of it - like maybe posting a message here
asking for help when you need it!

i hope this helps some.  i'll be around if you want to talk more.
i mostly just read and sometimes it takes me a while to respond,
but i'll be here.

adrienne 

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