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From: cooper@beno.CSS.GOV (Dale Cooper)
Newsgroups: comp.databases
Subject: why I drink
Keywords: ORACLE
Message-ID: <49469@seismo.CSS.GOV>
Date: 25 Feb 91 22:33:06 GMT
Sender: usenet@seismo.CSS.GOV
Lines: 84


And they ask me why I drink.

Just when all of the wonderful news from Belmont exclaiming Oracle's return
to profitability (Oracle News February 1991) hits my desk, the reality of
SERVICE vs SALES hits me like a speeding freight train without any brakes.  
Yes, folks it sure is great news hearing that after some time, Oracle Corp 
is "Back in The Black." 

It says right here in black and white that second quarter revenues increased
some 29 percent to $269 million from $209 million in the same period last 
year.  Boy, I wish I was a stock holder.

I've had the pleasure to read this great article since I have had virtually 
nothing to do while I wait for my promised upgrade from a dangerously volatile 
version 6.0.27 for DEC RISC to the latest and greatest version 6.0.30 (which 
incidentally was formally ordered February 5, in the year of our Lord 1991).

In the back of your mind you may say, "haven't I heard this guy whine about
Oracle on the net before?"  Perhaps yes.  Then again whining is my favorite 
way of sending a message....just ask my wife.  

	"Honeeeeeyyyy, the cable TV is broken!!!  Do you think we
	should call themmmm so they can fixxxxxxxx  itttttt?  You
	know how much I haaaaaaaate to miss Mr Eddddddd."

I can't say that the time I have waited has been completely wasted, no, no.  
I have spent a lot of time reading posts about other vendor's products.  I 
have had plenty of time planning alternate forms of employment after my boss 
cans my butt for not having the new version installed for the big international 
data test coming up in the next month.  I've always wanted to be a pin setter
at a bowling alley.  Unlimited beer, a boom box cranking out Merl Haggard at 
120 decibels, a folding chair in the back and an opportunity to do demanding 
things like reset pins after a bowler named Harvey accidentally hits the reset 
button in a burst of excitement.

To be fair, I have indeed done some relevant work.  I've recently learned 
(the hard way) that Oracle has problems with raw devices on a RISC BOX 
in that it waits until you've loaded gargantuan tables before it complains 
about corrupt blocks.  Why that sort of thing isn't handled up front is 
beyond me.  I didn't bother calling it in.  I absolutely hate "talking" to
automated service programs.  Besides, with my previous experiences, sometimes
it's best to just attack the problem yourself.  Why something so basic such as
marking bad blocks within a raw device could possibly be so difficult is beyond
me.  Maybe it's so tech support has something to do, you know, like the Maytag 
Man.

Looking back at the article it goes on to blab seemingly endlessly in regard
to sales, sales, sales.  Not one sentence in this thing approaches the concept
of quality control, customer satisfaction, reliability, responsibility...
Nope, not anywhere.  It seems blatantly obvious to me that Mr Ellison and
company only care about one thing and it ain't sitting in this chair.

As the sun once again sets in the west, I wonder where my new version of 
Oracle is.  I kick back in my government furnished Lazy-Boy office chair 
where my mind wanders off to a place far-far away.  At first I see palm trees,
sand and shimmering waters.  Is this paradise or the Middle East?  Considering 
my predicament, it seems like the latter.  

Suddenly the phone rings and jolts me from my day dream.  It's my sidekick in 
San Diego.  Seems that my prayers have mysteriously been answered, kind of.  
The new version has arrived - in San Diego.  Just another jump to DC (courtesy 
of Fed-Ex and our overhead contract).  Well, close enough...at least it's in 
the continental US.  

	"Excuse me!?!?!  A patch tape for Oracle 6.0.27 for DEC VAX...Oh, 
	geez.  I thought we cleared that up with Oracle months ago?  Oh, 
	we did.  I see.  Maybe it got lost in the reorganization.  Ya think
	they ever lose purchase orders?"

Golly.  I was kind of hoping that things would finally fall into place.  
That once again I would have work...that my butt wouldn't be in a sling.  
I could put my alternate employment plans on the back burner for now.

Wait, another call.  It's the local public library.  Seems they just received 
a new book about Spalding automatic pin setting machines.  Seems that's all 
automated now. *sigh*  This just isn't my day.

Oh, well.  Maybe cutting bait on a charter boat would be more enjoyable...
afterall, same perks...with some sun tossed in.

Dale Cooper DBA
Center for Seismic Studies
Arlington, VA				[standard disclaimers here]


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