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From: Rusty.Ferguson@f39.n123.z1.fidonet.org (Rusty Ferguson)
Newsgroups: misc.handicap
Subject: Guilty about not being sick?
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Date: 22 Mar 91 05:30:55 GMT
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FW>My wife is on lithium due to the MS she's also on several
FW>other
FW>industrial strength antidepressants.  She was on Tegretgal

Must be common in auto-imunne diseases.  I'm really afraid that I'm going to
end up with a diagnosis of MS.  For some reason, since my teens I've been
worried about it.  No reason to justify it, it is even absurd, but something
about it has always haunted me.  Now with these muscle twitches I have had
and the palsies and the back off of the lupus I'm very worried.  I know that
MS is where the mylen (SP) on the nerves is stripped causing the insulation
to be damaged and the nerve impulses to "leak" but is it also considered a
connective tissue disease.  I know there is muscle pain, but what about
joint pain?

FW>and depression but she couldn't function so after the
FW>depression was
FW>under better control she was able to stop taking that.  In

I thought mine was, but I lost control today, one chair will heading to the
dump.  I hate myself when that happens, regardless of what brought it on.
I've never acted like this in my life.  I see my doc this week, I'll talk to
him about it, maybe it's time for more lithium.   I can take a tranquilizer
and I'm find, but I can't keep doing that, they will stop working and I
think I'm already addicted to Xanax.  I've been taking it for several years,
but I never took it on a regular basis, breaking it up so I would not become
addicted, but after the hospitalization for severe depression this summer I
started taking it as prescribed cause I noticed how much it helped.  I don't
know what to do at this point.  I sure didn't like what I saw today.

FW>she takes about 12 pills, it's enough for a full meal.  My

We put mine in a bowel.  >Grin<  Really we do!  But I don't think it is 12
at one time, maybe up to 8, I think I take it at five different times.

FW>niece of age 18 has just exhibited some signs that might link
FW>her to
FW>either lupus or MS. They did a test for collagen vascular

Great, all three hugh?   I hope she it works out for her, but you and I know
something is probably up, just not sure what yet.  I guess in some ways it
is good if you don't know, at least the disease may be in the mild stages.
And even though I don't have a firm diagnoses except for vasculitis but not
sure caused by what, with the Prednisone therapy physically I continue to
feel good.  I've had more energy the last couple or weeks than I have had in
a long time.  I'm spending a lot more time on my BBS.  Was elected as NC to
our local eggnet even though a month ago I considered pulling out of the
election as I was so tired all the time.  So let them call it what they
like, the Prednisone is working, I must have something.  >grin<

FW>I believe that is one of their favorite means of being able
FW>to delay
FW>having to give a diagnosis!

I got it too, but much more gently.  When my doc brought up depression he
said he was not sure if it was lupus causing depression (this was when I
still had lupus, gee, I've been cured!  >Grin<) or depression making the
lupus worse.  He said they also may not be related at all.  At least he did
acknowledge there was linkage.  But then a month later when we were moving I
told him I had for the first time run into some real physical limitations
from lupus.  That I was not able to help, that I was too weak.  He told me
that might be physiological.  That really hurt me, and I should have told
him.  It was not, I felt horrible that I was not able to help, I felt
useless sitting in my chair gasping for air with the sweat pouring off of
me.

FW>have relapses.  That's one of the advantages of a spinal
FW>injury, it
FW>generally is immediate and stays about the same.

You continue to be an inspiration to me Frank, you never complain about
this, you seem to be at peace with it, being an accident it would seem
harder to accept.  Not that you like it, I know you don't but you seem to
handle it well.

FW>Thank you and you remember to take it easy!

I'll try, let me put this chair down.  >Grin<  Gosh I wish I hadn't lost it
today.  Ever feel lower than a snake?  Feeling lonely will cause me to do
some horrible things.

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