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From: mauler@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sex,alt.support,sci.bio
Subject: Re: Help--having problem with missing orgasm
Message-ID: <1991Jun1.050151.31190@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu>
Date: 1 Jun 91 05:01:51 CDT
References: <1991May28.214636.2338@athena.mit.edu>
Organization: University of Kansas Academic Computing Services
Lines: 93

In article <1991May28.214636.2338@athena.mit.edu>, cemunoz@bard (Carlos E. Munoz) writes:
> 
> A good friend of mine approached me meekly yesterday, asking me if I could give
> him some advise or a few words of encouragement.  It seems that his girlfriend
> "cannot have an orgasm."  I thought that it was rather strange and unusual, so
> I asked him to explain further.  He said that she has not had an orgasm before
> in any sexual intercourse.  She has had a couple of boyfriends before that she
> has had sex with, but has not had an orgasm by any of them either.  Her first
> sexual encounter was a little rushed, to her opinion, but not completely  
> forced.  She had trouble with the idea of having sex with her next boyfriend  
> too soon, but he was paitient and thoughtful and understood her reasons, so
> he waited as long as she wanted. 
> 
> It's been over three years since her first encounter, and her boyfriend is very  
> gentle and kind, and she appears to be very attracted to him, but the times  
> they have had sex, no matter the duration, stimulation, or method, she has not  
> been able to reach orgasm.  This does not distress her, apparently because she  
> feels that she doesn't know what she is missing, and still enjoys the sex they  
> have.  He, however, wishes that she could share the experience as much as he  
> does.  Does anyone have any clue what is going on here?  I am neither a  
> psychologist nor a doctor, so I have no clue if it is psychological or a 
> biological occurance.

There are several causes listed in the Masters and Johnson method book.  Of the
ones listed, the one that seems to fit best is that she is a little overeager
in sex, due to her first experience being "rushed", and so she is too tense
to reach orgasm.  Naaah, actually that isn't very good.  A better cause 
might be imbalance of hormones or an inborn defect.
 
Fortunately, they also list a cure for the non-orgasmic woman.  Of course, 
the first requirement is a loving, caring partner (which you have already 
said exists).  Basically, there are two techniques, which obviously can be 
combined for maximum total effect.
 
The first is by stimulation; there are three listed methods of stimulation, 
any or all of which can be used at once.  
(The following text is summarized from the report)
 
[a] When she is fairly relaxed, he stimulates her by stroking and caressing 
    her in areas she most likes to have stroked, and while engaged in this 
    activity he also tenderly tells her how much he loves her and other 
    terms of endearment.  The periods of arousal should be punctuated by 
    periods of rest.  Combining actions with words seems to get most women 
    aroused than just caressing alone.  
 
[b] It often helps if the woman focuses on some sexual fantasy, reads and 
    looks through erotic literature and magazines, and/or talking about 
    sexually stimulating topics during caressing and whispering his love into 
    her ears.
 
[c] If the problem stems from a genetic abnormality in which she is sexually 
    less sensitive than most, direct stimulation of the clitoris and 
    genitalia with hand or vibrator can help.  Other methods include deep 
    penetration by the penis, and oral-genital contact (It should be noted 
    here that some women are stimulated sexually by performing fellatio on 
    her male partner, as well as him performing cunnilingus on her). Again, 
    the male reinforces actions with endearing words.
 
In any of the three methods outlined above, any method that brings orgasm 
to a woman makes it more likely for her to reach more orgasms later.
 
The second technique is called Sensate-Focus therapy; it has three steps.
(The following text is short enough to print word for word)
 
[1] The couple sit nude on their bed: the man, legs apart, propped up by the 
    headboard; the woman, seated with her back to his chest and her legs on 
    his.  She guides his hands briefly over her inner thighs, vaginal lips, 
    and clitoral region.  In this way she can control her sexual sensations 
    and keep them from becoming too intense for her.
 
[2] In subsequent sessions the couple eventually work up to the point where 
    the woman kneels astride the man and finds pleasure in keeping still with 
    his penis inside her vagina.  She can then try slowly moving her hips to 
    and fro, thrusting faster and harder when she finds that she wants to.  
    Next she has him join in with his own thrusting hip movements.
 
[3] The last part of this Masters and Johnson therapy is shifting from the 
    woman-on-top position to both partners lying sideways, so that she rests 
    largely on her chest, stomach, one leg, and the knee of the other leg (he 
    lies mostly under her).  This position makes uncontrolled hip movements 
    easier and orgasm likelier for women than positions where they can 
    consciously control the movements made by their bodies.
 
Above all: be considerate with her, and be prepared for a long journey or 
an easy one.  More harm is done when a couple expects instant results and 
does not get them, than through genetic abnormalities or rushed sex.  When 
you find a method that works, use it.  You'll have very little difficulty 
after her first orgasm, if it is a fairly good earthmover,  If not, keep 
trying.  She'll come when she's relaxed and ready for it...

Leo Mauler
mauler@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu