Xref: utzoo alt.sex:34198 alt.support:1204 sci.bio:5090 Path: utzoo!utgpu!news-server.csri.toronto.edu!bonnie.concordia.ca!uunet!fernwood!uupsi!sunic!dkuug!resam!andrew From: andrew@resam.dk (Leif Andrew Rump) Newsgroups: alt.sex,alt.support,sci.bio Subject: Re: Help--having problem with missing orgasm Message-ID: <1991Jun2.105748.9715@resam.dk> Date: 2 Jun 91 10:57:48 GMT References: <1991May28.214636.2338@athena.mit.edu> <1991Jun1.050151.31190@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu> Organization: RESAM Project Office, SAS, CPHML-V Lines: 63 WARNING: Here is some Danish opinions - You know those with the porno shops! :-) In <1991Jun1.050151.31190@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu> mauler@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu writes: >In article <1991May28.214636.2338@athena.mit.edu>, cemunoz@bard (Carlos E. Munoz) writes: >> >> A good friend of mine approached me meekly yesterday, asking me if I could give >> him some advise or a few words of encouragement. It seems that his girlfriend >> "cannot have an orgasm." I thought that it was rather strange and unusual, so >> I asked him to explain further. He said that she has not had an orgasm before >> in any sexual intercourse. She has had a couple of boyfriends before that she >> has had sex with, but has not had an orgasm by any of them either. Her first >> sexual encounter was a little rushed, to her opinion, but not completely >> forced. She had trouble with the idea of having sex with her next boyfriend >> too soon, but he was paitient and thoughtful and understood her reasons, so >> he waited as long as she wanted. >> >> It's been over three years since her first encounter, and her boyfriend is very >> gentle and kind, and she appears to be very attracted to him, but the times >> they have had sex, no matter the duration, stimulation, or method, she has not >> been able to reach orgasm. This does not distress her, apparently because she >> feels that she doesn't know what she is missing, and still enjoys the sex they >> have. He, however, wishes that she could share the experience as much as he >> does. Does anyone have any clue what is going on here? I am neither a >> psychologist nor a doctor, so I have no clue if it is psychological or a >> biological occurance. >There are several causes listed in the Masters and Johnson method book. Of the >ones listed, the one that seems to fit best is that she is a little overeager >in sex, due to her first experience being "rushed", and so she is too tense >to reach orgasm. Naaah, actually that isn't very good. A better cause >might be imbalance of hormones or an inborn defect. [Different suggestions delete where the friend took part in the search for the orgasm] I don't think it is that "strange and unusual" for woman not to have orgasm and a lot of woman enjoy sex a lot even though they don't get orgasm [every time] as this girlfriend described above. But one thing is sure - DON'T FORCE IT!!! Then she will (probably) never get it or even worse - fake it just to get it over with! Let nature take its course, discuss it with her if you want to as long as she wants to, stimulate her the places she likes but remember there is a lot of good spots on her body, so move around maybe the earth will shake when you least expect it. There could be a lot of reasons for her not to have orgasm and quite a few of them is quite easily "solved" by teaching each other where & how you get stimulated. Get to know each others body, get "used to it" - fell _comfortable_ with yourself & your partner(s)! But there is one important thing [WARNING: The Danish way of doing it :-) ]: She must know her own sensitive zones before she can tell you where & how they may be stimulated and the only way she is able to known them fully is by trying it herself _without_ any interruption - i.e. she must try on her own to reach climax - if she wants to. Andrew Leif Andrew Rump, AmbraSoft A/S, Stroedamvej 50, DK-2100 Copenhagen OE, Denmark UUCP: andrew@ambra.dk, phone: +45 39 27 11 77 / Currently at Scandinavian Airline Systems =======/ UUCP: andrew@resam.dk, phone: +45 32 32 51 54 \ SAS, RESAM Project Office, CPHML-V, P.O.BOX 150, DK-2770 Kastrup, Denmark If it's broke, fix it (The MS-DOS way) If it aint broke, don't touch it (The Unix way) If we can't fix it, it ain't broke (Maintainer's Motto) If you can't fix it, fuck it (The U-boat way)