From: utzoo!decvax!harpo!npoiv!npois!bsg
Newsgroups: net.singles
Title: Of cabbages and kings
Article-I.D.: npois.1613
Posted: Thu Nov  4 20:32:26 1982
Received: Fri Nov  5 08:19:17 1982

Alternate title:  We're all bozos on this bus

I'm going to let off some steam on a few topics.
As you may know, I have been organizing a net.singles (NJ)
potluck dinner (hereinafter called PLD).  
In the course of so doing, two similar
questions have arisen.  In one case, a technically single
person expressed interest in attending but then added that
s/he would be attending the PLD in conjunction with sheirs
current romantic partner.  I responded that I thought that was
somewhat inappropriate for a net.singles event.  The person in
question replied.  In the second case, someone wrote to ask 
if s/he and sheirs POSSLQ were invited to the PLD.
(Please don't flame at my pronouns.  I hate them and normally
never use them.  I am doing so now only to avoid having the
point I'm trying to make sidetracked by discussions of gender.)

In both of these instances, comments were made to the effect
of "Or is this only for people looking for sexual playthings/
lovers?  If so, I imagine it will be a pretty tense/uncomfortable/
disappointing evening."  The main point of this article is to
publicly address those questions and their implications.  I
think they are of general importance, since those questions
are closely tied to the question of this newsgroup's raison d'etre.

First let me state my position.  I DO think the PLD should be
for truly single (as opposed to merely unmarried) people.  I don't
think it should/need be a meat market.  As far as the newsgroup
goes (since it's a closely related topic) I don't care who reads it.
But if you're not single, keep your comments out of this newsgroup.

Let me next attempt to explain those positions.

It is a fact of life that social activities are more enjoyable
when participated in in company with like-minded people.
It is also a fact that many social activites are difficult/
embarrassing to walk into alone, even if there are many like-
minded people there.  Note that I am not merely referring to
parties.  It is less fun to go to a movie alone than it is to
go with friends.  If you go alone, and I go alone, it may be
that we have a lot in common and would enjoy discussing the
movie together afterwards, but the odds are we won't.

When one is single, these facts affect one's social life a great
deal.  And beyond that, there are the many activities in life
that are strictly couple-oriented.  What do you do when all of your
co-workers are non-single, and your boss throws a party?  If you
go alone, you are very much an odd "man" out.  If you bring a friend
of the opposite (appropriate?) sex, many people draw incorrect
conclusions.

All of these are facts about being single.  They obviously don't
apply very much to our younger readers.  When you're a single
college freshman, most social events assume that one is single.
(I know events don't assume, but you know what I mean.)  However,
once you get beyond school and/or a certain age, these things
very much apply.  (If anyone cares, I'm 30.)

And given that that's the way the world is, I find it a welcome
change to be going to a social event where NO ONE is bringing a
date, where NO ONE is attending "as a couple."  And I very much
want to keep it that way.  Yes, I think it would be nice
someday to have a social event for the whole network so we can
all meet all these other fascinating people.  But that's not a
net.singles event.  I don't expect to fall madly in love, or even
in lust, at this potluck dinner.  (I'm saving that for the next one.)
But I do expect to meet and talk to other people who are in social
situations similar to mine.  I expect this newsgroup to be for the
exchange of comments/questions/advice/ideas among such people.
And I think that's a perfectly reasonable attitude.  If someone
wants to start net.friendly-people, fine.  I'll probably read
it and contribute occasionally and attend (maybe even organize)
the social events.  BUT THIS ISN'T THAT, DAMMIT, AND STOP TRYING
TO TELL ME IT SHOULD BE OR ELSE WE MUST BE SEX MANIACS.  Okay, 
I'll calm down now.

Let me also add that while I listed some aspects of being single
in a negative way above, there are many positive aspects.  I
happen to enjoy being single.  It just makes life a little more
challenging at times.  I would list some of the good parts, but
I know that many (most?) readers of this newsgroup aren't single,
and I'm not willing to cause all those divorces.

Please post questions, comments, and flames to the net, not me.
I think this is the discussion we should have had when this
newsgroup got started.

					Billie Goldstein
					...!npois!bsg
					Bell Labs
					Neptune 
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