From: utzoo!decvax!harpo!eagle!mhuxt!mhuxa!mhuxh!mhuxm!pyuxjj!rlr
Newsgroups: net.singles
Title: Marriage as a contract
Article-I.D.: pyuxjj.349
Posted: Thu Nov 11 13:06:44 1982
Received: Fri Nov 12 09:09:39 1982
References: grkermit.172


Has anyone thought *seriously* about the idea of a well-laid out contract/
agreement/plan on which a marriage is to be based?  Most of what I've heard
in response seems to say:  "If you really love someone, you shouldn't have
to write up a contract for your marriage to plan for such future problems
as divorce, etc."  That's like saying "I won't get life insurance because I
don't plan to die."

Sure, you go into a marriage with the belief that you have met the one person
that you want to spend the rest of your life with.  But that's just a belief.
Especially if you haven't spent time actually *living* with this other person
(but, then again, even if you have), you have no real idea how it might work
out as husband and wife.  Take this typical scenario:  1) You meet another
person that you would like to get to know, and you do your best to impress
this other person (not necessarily by showing off, but by not exhibiting your
more offensive habits/quirks), 2) Gradually, this other person gets to know the
"real" you, (and vice versa), though you're still following most of the same
rules as in (1) above, and at some point the two of you decide to get married,
3)  After getting married, the other person gets to know the REAL real you,
and vice versa, and at yet another point the relationship ends in divorce.
Flame if you will (I receive mail at erewhon!noman), this is all too typical of
the way that relationships develop. Not just today, but probably for as long as
relationships between people have grown and evolved into marriages (rather than
the old scenario whereby marriages were pre-arranged).  Divorces are more
common today only because the sanctity of the institution of marriage is no
longer a given; people no longer feel bound to a failing marriage as they had
in the past (due to religious training or whatever), so they get divorced.
So much so, that they often divorce on the slightest provocation.

So, if you take the institution of marriage (a commitment between two people
to share their lives to the best of their abilities) very seriously, I would
think you would want very much to plan for it, and to plan for the possibility
of divorce (and others things) the way they also plan for the possibility of
death (via life insurance, etc.). I would hope that the things that would be
planned for would include:  divorce (based on a plan *agreed upon* by both
parties, and not imposed by one on the other), children (how many if any, what
sort of responsibilities each person has in raising the children, what happens
in case of divorce<---perhaps the single most important reason for planning for
the possibility of divorce), and personal responsibilities (who does this, who
does that, who works, who does laundry, etc.)  Of course, this agreement is
bound to change over time, and people should plan for that as well (when one
person finishes school and goes to work, or when one person leaves work to
give birth to a child--presumably the woman).

Cold hearted?  I feel extremely sorry for anyone out there already/planning-to-
be married who feels that this is cold hearted.  I think it takes courage,
devotion, and *real* love of the other person to go through this sort of thing.
Especially given the fact that the planning of this sort that goes into most
marriages usually amounts to less effort than the same people expend in
planning for a car loan or a mortgage.

'Nuff said.				Rich
					erewhon!noman <---send flames here