From: utzoo!decvax!harpo!ihnp4!ihps3!ixn5c!inuxc!pur-ee!CSvax:cak
Newsgroups: net.singles
Title: Re: thought s on marraige
Article-I.D.: purdue.444
Posted: Fri Nov 12 18:38:18 1982
Received: Mon Nov 15 09:04:10 1982
References: sdcsvax.2450

Mike,

Your comments about marriage, love, and selfless devotion are among the
best comments I've seen on the net for a long time. I fully agree with
you.

But, I can also understand Glerum's concern; we have come to accept the
fact that a marriage will break up as a fact of life, and I think it's
a shame. Divorce seems to be becoming the rule, rather than the
exception.

My personal, biased, possibly incorrect opinion is that people rush
into marriage too quickly, as the "logical next step" in a
relationship, only to find out that they don't get along, and then
don't feel it worthwhile to try to make the relationship work (which is
understandable), so a divorce is the easy way out, and everyone gets
hurt.

I was involved with a woman for almost five years, starting in
undergrad school; she and her parents were constantly pressuring me to
"tie the knot" (no open pressure, of course, but it was there). I kept
refusing -- I was too busy with school, grad school, etc., to devote
attention to a marriage. We broke up a year after I left town to pursue
my degree here at Purdue -- the relationship had become just a habit,
and neither of us was getting anything out of it.  It was a painful
ending, but as I reflect on it, I'm glad it ended.  We weren't right
for each other, and marriage would certainly have been ugly, and might
have ended in divorce.

I don't feel I'm ready for marriage; my current feeling is that I want
to be out of school before I have to accept all the extra
responsibility of being married. It's hard work. I enjoy being in a
loving relationship; it really makes one feel whole, but that doesn't
mean that a marriage will come out of it, or that such a marriage would
work. Right now, I have too many other things on my mind, and too
many things that I have yet to discover about myself, to try to cope
with another person all the time. I need a fair amount of private
time, and have only run across a few other people who can understand that.

When I get married, I want to have convinced myself that I can
healthily (physically, mentally, and emotionally) survive with my
chosen partner for the rest of my life; and I'm going to do my damndest
to make the relationship work. When I give of myself in love, I give
myself fully; I expect no less of my partner. That's the only way it
can work.

Cheers,
chris