From: utzoo!utcsrgv!utcsstat!wagner
Newsgroups: net.singles
Title: Re: On social competition (Indirectly, at least)
Article-I.D.: utcsstat.438
Posted: Sat Nov 27 01:06:25 1982
Received: Sat Nov 27 01:53:42 1982
References: ima.252

I dont think the "insensitive clod" really has all that much
of an advantage - I think people notice that he is using his
elbows, and people who dont like that sort of persuit will not
be impressed.  Those that are impressed by that sort of 
persuit have never been of interest to me, so it always worked
out fine.  The broader question of how to deal with the fact
that she already has a boyfriend........
  I dont know where to start.  I guess my first comment is:
so what?  Unless you are looking for a short-term quick
stand, then the first few times you would spend time with her
would be developing a friendship; something that proceeds in 
the same way regardless of whether she has a boyfriend or not.
During that forming a friendship period, you, amongst other
things, will become aware of whether the boyfriend means a lot
to her, or whether he is mostly there because everyone has one.
If he means a lot, you have found a friend.  Be content with 
that.  If she is worth knowing, she wont appreciate your 
trying to push him out of the way if she likes him.  On the
other hand, if he is there just because everyone has one,
you could sit back and wait until you know her better than he
does, and see if that changes her feelings at all.  I doubt
that I would follow that path (especially cast in the cynical
way I have just presented it); my experience is that the
best friendships/relationships have come when I wasnt looking
in this cold sort of way.  So just look for friends; a fraction
of the friendships will become more if you just let them, and
dont force it.

Michael Wagner, UTCS