From: utzoo!decvax!harpo!ihnp4!ixn5c!inuxc!pur-ee!mj
Newsgroups: net.singles
Title: SOS - (nf)
Article-I.D.: pur-ee.769
Posted: Wed Dec 22 18:28:39 1982
Received: Thu Dec 23 04:17:17 1982

#N:pur-ee:14600018:000:2134
pur-ee!mj    Dec 22 13:51:00 1982




	 I am really discouraged and want to GIVE UP, but I am STUCK. Can 
	 ANYBODY out there help?

	 Have any of you ever been involved in a situation involving
	 unrequitted love on your part, and succeeded (at least temporarily)
	 in the relationship, by sheer perseverance?  I am a nervous
	 wreck, since I have been in love with a certain MOTO friend of
	 mine for almost a year.  We have been separated by school
	 for a semester, but will be living in the same city and working
	 in the same plant for the entirety of next year. She has 
	 demonstrated that she loves me, but 'not that way'.
	 Is there any hope for me at all? Or should I
	 just be her 'friend' and try to be understanding when her
	 romantic relationships go amiss?  Should I tell her that I can't
	 bear her presence if the "feeling isn't mutual"? (This option
	 fills me with dread)  Many married couples have told me that
	 one of the couple was definitely NOT interested at the outset, but
	 the persistence of the other built the relationship. PLEASE
	 respond if you have successfully managed this, and give
	 pointers.
	 Also, have any of you ever had to deal with the following:
	 (1) Why, if I am as marvellous a person as I am always being
	 told, is the answer consistently, "Please, let's just be friends"?
	 (2) Why is love always something to 'survive' or 'learn from'? 
	 (3) How can I express my grief without feeling manipulative?
	 (4) How do you insist that you love someone without becoming
	 a gadfly? (5) Do people see me as I am?  I like me, but I don't know
	 what's wrong. (6) How the HELL do you keep from blaming your
	 nature for failure? (i.e. thinking,"I'm just not made [or worth] that
	 kind of relationship": Damn it, I am!)

	 This is not a letter from a disturbed, withdrawn, or neurotic
	 individual; it is a request for guidance from a rather inexperienced
	 and very unhappy person who is trying to make sense out of his
	 feelings.  Please, no flamers, but I am open to confrontation
	 if you think it's helpful.



________
      Mark A. Johnson       Purdue University       decvax!pur-ee!mj    
			     (317) 852-2325