From: utzoo!decvax!harpo!floyd!cmcl2!philabs!sdcsvax!sdccsu3!ee163cz
Newsgroups: net.religion
Title: Re: A few questions
Article-I.D.: sdccsu3.445
Posted: Fri Apr  1 10:58:50 1983
Received: Sat Apr  2 06:43:01 1983


   I think I can provide satisfactory answers to Mr. White's questions:

   1.  God's appearance/age/race:  God created Man in His own Image; therefore,
       He most closely resembles a fertilized Australopithecus ovum.  From
       that point on, it's all downhill.

   2.  God's replies (to prayers):  He replies telepathically.  This ensures
       privacy (telepathy is a *very* secure channel), and bypasses error-prone
       languages.  It also prevents heathen bystanders from hearing His words,
       thus guaranteeing that those who Hear the Voice cannot, in all fairness,
       be asked to provide evidence, like witnesses or a tape recording.

   3.  The age of the Earth:  Come on, everyone knows the Earth was built
       10**7 years ago by the Magratheans, with built-in fossils so the
       emerging lifeforms would not suspect they were merely part of a giant
       computer program.  By the way, the species which now calls itself
       'Man' is not the planned sentient inhabitant of this planet, but a
       descendant of shipwrecked Golgafrinchans.

   4.  The Ark:  As to its size, I imagine there was a hyperspatial extension
       of the hold.  Food & manure were no problem; manure was simply shoveled
       into the feed hopper of the Ark's autokitchen (if Beowulf Schaeffer can
       do that, why can't Noah?).  Rain was no problem; Noah simply had all
       the animals smile, thus providing a very effective umbrella.

   5.  Churches' tax exempt status:  As the Reverend Moon tells us, God likes
       money.  Taking away His small green pieces of paper is a good way to
       make Him unhappy, and that can have unpleasant consequences.

                             -- The Voice of Silliness,
                                Eric J. Wilner (AKA F. J. Gumby)
                                sdcsvax!sdccsu3!ee163cz