From: utzoo!decvax!harpo!seismo!rlgvax!tom
Newsgroups: net.singles
Title: RE: meeting MOTOS at lunch
Article-I.D.: rlgvax.194
Posted: Wed Apr  6 11:06:21 1983
Received: Thu Apr  7 06:27:50 1983


Its a good idea, but I'm a bit surprised on the analysis as to why
people act different in the same bar AFTER work as they do at lunch.
I don't think its because "they don't have to be back in a serious
situation (i.e. work) in an hour" (paraphrased).

The difference is the atmosphere, pure and simple.  In singles bars, there
is incredible tension because everyone "knows" why everyone else is
there.  Everyone's there to meet people (for generally unknown but
worrisome intentions).  At lunch, people are there to eat lunch
and relax -- meeting someone can be done in a relaxed, non-pressure, manner.

At lunch, or other non-"meet markets", people feel they can be more
relaxed and act more normal, probably because everyone else is acting
relaxed and normal.  In these non-pressure situations, saying "hello"
means "hello", not "I'm sizing you up as a potential mate for
sex/friendship/dating/love/marriage".  The important part of a conversation
is what's being said, not what's NOT being said, or what's being implied,
or how I look when I say it, etc. An interest in a person is more likely
to look like an interest in the person, not as an interest in sex.

It would be an interesting test to get together with several of one's
friends and go to two similar bars, telling them one is a "meet market"
and the other is simply a nice, friendly, local bar.  How do you think
their actions would differ?

Actually lunch has some nice advantages.  The atmosphere is usually
bright and open, rather than dark, sinister and sexual. Lunch is
usually time-limited.  If two people start up a conversation, no one
has to worry about how to end it naturally.  If there doesn't appear
to be a "perfect" matchup at first, well, the conversation will last
at most an hour, no one's wasting "oportunities", there's no need to
try to "dump" the other, why not relax and be friendly?

- Tom Beres
{mcnc, we13, seismo}!rlgvax!tom