From: utzoo!decvax!decwrl!sun!megatest!fortune!hpda!hplabs!hao!seismo!rlgvax!thekid
Newsgroups: net.singles
Title: single_but_wish_the_hell_I_was_married
Article-I.D.: rlgvax.243
Posted: Tue Apr 12 17:05:21 1983
Received: Tue Apr 19 03:02:39 1983


Not too long ago, I posted an article, reflecting some rather traditional
(read cliche) thoughts on marriage.  I received several pieces of mail
on the subject, but this was the best.

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To: thekid

Subject: single_but_wish_the_hell_I_was_married

>A divorce is ten minutes and no pain in many places<

I hope you don't really believe that.  People go into deep depressions,
and often become suicidal over the break-up of a marriage.  It sometimes takes
years to recover and readjust ones life to no longer sharing a life with
another.

>When (read if) I marry, I WANT it to be a life time thing.<

The majority of people that enter into marriage expect it to be a "life
time thing".  I know I did.  When I said those vows I meant every word.
Unfortunately, over a period of time we both forgot the promises we made
to each other and to God.  One of the most important aspects of marriage
is to remember those vows you made to your mate and abide by them.  Why
say "till death do us part" if it's only (to quote you) three to five.

I think it is admirable that you are willing to do "just about anything"
to have a lifetime marriage, but why should you have to make what you
you consider sacrifices, for a mate.  Why give up your job, move to
Kankakee Ill. or whatever, if you're going to miserable?  And why would
someone who loves you make such demands on you?

>the only reason I've for "marriage" seems to be that it makes a PUBLIC
 committment between two people that they are PARTNERS.<

What is more important - a PUBLIC committment between two people or a
private, personal committment just between the two people?  I would 
much rather someone showed me that he cared for me than to let everyone
else know and never mention the fact to me.  A Public committment is
fine, but reconsider the statement "the only reason".

Keith, you make marriage sound so much like a game, with players, and a
win or lose option.  A marriage (or a relationship for that matter)
should not be a CHALLENGE!! Yes, marriage is a serious matter.  And I
having been there once already, appreciate the seriousness now more than ever?

One last thought (for now) - being "old fashioned" is fine.
What you get out of your marriage is exactly what
you put into it.  Maybe, being "old fashioned" is what it takes.  Since
I've failed at one, obviously I don't have any right answers as to 
how to make a marriage work.  All I know is trying can be awfully painful
and it's easier to give up than hang in there.