From: utzoo!decvax!genrad!grkermit!markm Newsgroups: net.jokes Title: RatEotN #2 Article-I.D.: grkermit.326 Posted: Thu Apr 21 14:41:36 1983 Received: Wed Apr 27 06:41:51 1983 The Restaurant at the End of the Net Episode 2 (Arnold Lint and the crew of the Infinity are once again faced by the dreaded Flamers. The Flamers are bombarding our heros with an infinitely pointless diatribe on the legal points of rolling up ones shirtsleeves.) Gillian: What can we do to stop this? Martin: Why bother, it's all hopeless anyway. Rod: Look you, I've had just about enough of your lip. Martin: I don't have lips, I'm afraid. My assembler must have been in a bad mood and forgot them . . . ah well (sigh). Gillian: Well, we better do something!! Xaphod: We've tried everything else, why don't we try to out-stupid them? Arnold Lint: Don't you need at least a Master's in Computer Science to attempt that? Rod: Yah, but let's try anyway!! Xaphod: Right, what's the most idiotic topic we can throw at them? Gillian: Spelling mistakes in Net submissions? Xaphod: No. Rod: Profanity on the Net? Xaphod: No. I'm afraid this won't work. Arnold Lint: What will we do? Flamer: Now, let's turn our attention to the psycho-sexual ramifications of user's having to hit the 'n' key repetitively when reading Netnews. Does this form a non-compliant attitude that is reflected in the individuals sex life? If Netnews becomes too dull, will we all go sterile from the 'n-key' complex? Gillian: I can't take it. Rod: There's one last hope. If we pray to the goddess of the Net, we may be saved. Arnold Lint: The what? Martin: You really don't want to hear this. Xaphod: Quiet. The goddess of the Net - Laedeyarh-wehn-kenobi. Legend has it she is from the Valley and has amazing powers over some denizens of the Net. Arnold Lint: What kind of power? Xaphod: I don't know, but her followers even chipped in for air fare so she could sing "Let's get physical" at the Superbowl half-time. Rod: (Seeing Arnold Lint's look of disgust) Yah, a pretty sick bunch. Gillian: Well, it's worth a shot. Xaphod: Okay, when I signal you, chant 'fershure' three times. Others: Right. Xaphod: Oh Laedeyarh-wehn-kenobi, protect us from these grody-to-the-max flamers. Others: Fershure! Fershure! Fershure! Xaphod: Oh Laedeyarh-wehn-kenobi, vanquish these flamers with a totally awesome laser blast. Others: Fershure! Fershure! Fershure! (From out of nowhere a high pitched, whining voice is heard to say "Oh wow, flamers. Like, gag me with a spoon." The flamers ships then implode into nothingness. The voice then says "Far out! Like, may the force be, like, with you, you know." Arnold Lint and the Infinity crew are left standing on the bridge looking into the newly empty space before them.) Rod: That was amazing! Xaphod: That was amazingly amazing. Martin: Wasn't all that great. Arnold Lint: That has to be the most impressive display of power in the Net! [***************************************************************************** "The Hitch Hikers Guide To The Net" points out that the most impressive display of power in the Net was the result of the actual cooperation of subscribers of net.singles, net.flame, AND net.religion. According to the story, this unholy trinity was capable of twisting even the most simple of statements into states of uncomprehensibly circuitous illogic. The group went their separate ways when the net.religion group called the net.singles group immoral sexual deviants and the net.flame group blaspheming agnostics who would all burn in hell. The net.flames group fried the net.religion group, but agreed that the net.singles group were real sick. The net.singles group had an orgy. *****************************************************************************] Rod: Well, lets get going to Microways. Arnold Lint: Yah, I'm getting hungry. Gillian: I hope the food is good. Martin: I'm sure it will be awful. We'll all get food poisoning and die in convulsive fits, spitting up bits of intestine and semi-digested fruit cup. ******************** End Of Part 2 ******************** What will be on the menu at Microways? Is the roast beef purple? To find out . . . Tune in next time . . . same Net-time . . . same Net-channel.