From: utzoo!decvax!decwrl!sun!megatest!dre
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Title: Three great jokes
Article-I.D.: megatest.200
Posted: Wed May 11 22:39:54 1983
Received: Fri May 13 23:28:36 1983


These aren't that offensive, so I won't encrypt them.  If you are that
easily offended, xvff bss (rot 13).

First, a short one:

	Q:  Why do firemen have bigger balls than policemen?

	A:  Because they sell more tickets.

Ok, Ok, since you loved that one so much...

	Q:  What has 18 legs and two boobs?

	A:  The Supreme Court!

Alright, maybe the boob count is higher than that.  I got a MILLION of 'em.
This one is longer (not a shaggy dog story--I promise!):

During the Indian wars, a lone scout was captured by an Indian tribe
known for its harsh treatment of prisoners.  In fact, no prisoner had
ever returned alive after having been captured by this band of warriors.
The understandably anxious scout was taken to the tribal chief who was
to determine his fate.

"White Man," decreed the Chief, "There are two ways you may escape with
your life.  The first way is the easiest.  There is a gauntlet of 10,000
of our finest warriors armed with spears.  If you can run this gauntlet
without being stabbed to death, you are free."

The scout was deeply troubled.  He had been a track star in high school,
but that was many years ago and he didn't think he was up to this.
"What's the second way?," he whimpered.

"The second way you may escape with your life is to fulfill the Three
Tasks.  No prisoner has ever survived even the first Task," the chief
declared.

The warriors looked at each other in disbelief as the Chief listed the
dreaded Three Tasks:  "First, you must consume one gallon of what you
white men refer to as `fire water' which we Indians make from maize, what
you call corn.  You will be given five minutes to drink it, and if you
spill a drop you will be put to death.  Second, you must wrestle a fierce
mountain lion that has not eaten for two weeks.  And third, you must
make love to Running Bear and satisfy her."

At the mention of Running Bear the warriors were silent in horror.  Running
Bear was the most beautiful squaw in the tribe, but she had never been
satisfied by any man.  She could render the most virile warrior impotent
with the words, "Is it in yet?"

The scout looked at the 10,000 warriors and their sharp, sharp spears.
"Well I sure as Hell ain't running that gauntlet!  I'll try the Tasks!"

The scout was led to the first of three teepees.  An elder of the tribe
handed him a gallon jug marked "Everclear" and said, "Enter this teepee
and drink without spilling a drop, or you shall be put to death."

The scout entered.  Glug glug glug glug glug glug glug!  Then there was
silence.  A minute passed.  Not a sound.  Then, the scout staggered
out of the teepee!  No man had ever done this.  The warriors began to
lament that such a man would survive one of their toughest tests of bravery
only to be eaten by a mountain lion.

The scout was led to the second teepee.  "You must now face the mountain
lion,"  said the elder.  Two warriors grabbed the scout by each arm while
a third opened the teepee just long enough for the scout to be thrown in.
Roar!  The roar of the mountain lion was deafening.  The sides of the teepee
bulged out here and then there and then over there.  The buffalo hides were
near the breaking point.  Then--silence.  The scout emerged from the teepee
with the mountain lion under one arm.  The mountain lion was purring!

The warriors asked the scout almost in unison, "Oh! Brave scout, how did
you do that?"

"It was easy," he replied.  "Now where's that squaw you want me to wrestle?"


Oh come on!  That was a great joke!

				Dave Emberson
				Megatest Corp.