From: utzoo!decvax!harpo!seismo!hao!woods
Newsgroups: net.singles
Title: Re: starting a relationship with someone who is already in one
Article-I.D.: hao.480
Posted: Thu Apr 28 15:04:01 1983
Received: Fri Apr 29 20:39:18 1983
References: floyd.1476


  In principle, I agree with Andy Tannenbaum that it is a pretty low-down
thing to do to push your way into another relationship. However, there is
another side to this coin. You could say, "If she was stealable (forgive me!)
then the relationship couldn't have been that strong to begin with". Another
factor is that in many high-tech, male-dominated social scenes, 95+% of
the potential POSSLQ's a guy can meet are already involved, to varying
degrees, with someone else. Therefore, I don't draw the line at "Under
no circumstances would I make advances on a woman who already has a
boyfriend". These things have to be evaluated on a case-by-case basis.
Factors which might make me consider violating my underlying principles are:

  1) Extreme need on my part. The longer it's been since I've had a girl-
     friend, love or sex, the more likely I am to chase after a "taken" lady.

  2) What I call the "asshole" factor. If I really feel in my heart that
     a guy is mistreating or otherwise doesn't deserve the lady he has,
     the more likely I am to try and convince her of this. I freely admit
     that it is often hard to tell whether this feeling is real, or just
     a rationalization for case 1) above.

  3) The degree of involvement she has with the other guy. Obviously, it's a lot
     easier to "steal" a lady from a guy she just dates sometimes than from
     a husband. However, I wouldn't rule out married ladies necessarily,
     but probably would rule her out unless her marriage was not happy for her.

  4) The degree of her apparent interest (or lack of same) in me. The biggest
     turn-on in the world for me is a lady who shows interest in me without
     my having to "harass" her, and I am not likely to pester a lady who
     does nothing to encourage me.


     In general, of course, I'd much rather not get involved in these
situations, but if abstinence is the only other alternative or it's a lady
I feel strongly enough about, I might try. In these cases, however, my
approach would have to be much more laid back. That way, if I'm rebuffed
I might be able to pretend it was just a joke.

                        GREG
 {ucbvax!hplabs | allegra!nbires | decvax!brl-bmd | harpo!seismo | menlo70}
       		        !hao!woods

P.S. I think this is the most interesting topic to come up in this group
for some time. I'm curious to read what other people have to say about it.