From: utzoo!decvax!harpo!seismo!hao!hplabs!sri-unix!cca!csin!cjh
Newsgroups: net.singles
Title: Re Why Do People Go out With...?
Article-I.D.: csin.296
Posted: Thu Apr 28 12:28:33 1983
Received: Sat Apr 30 04:57:36 1983

In response to your message of Wed Apr 27 14:40:27 1983:

   Try this one on: because sex is even less rational than friendship. Sex is
a matter of mystery shading off into terror for many people---it's not supposed
to be "safe", it should be as much of a thrill every time as your first time
down a ski trail that's a little beyond your known skills.
   Traditionally, of course, this attitude is tolerated in men and deplored in
women (for reasons discussed previously--cf the fathers&daughters discussion).
However, if you consider some degree of rebellion a plausible part of some
stage in adolescence, "living dangerously" makes even more sense. Consider it
the emotional equivalent of the teenager's response to "Don't drive so fast---
you'll have an accident!" This may not be pleasant to watch, but I've seen it
happening (fortunately, in my sister's case it was a relatively short and early
stage). You could even look on this as "Y [a "dangerous" male] has a lever on X
in their relationship; who is X levering by relating with Y?" (i.e. I control
you if I threaten to destroy something you value even if that something is me).
   I suppose this sounds horribly cynical but I've seen enough sides of enough
self- and mutual destruction to earn it. Maybe we just have to take risks
emotionally because life itself is too easy elsewise---how many people do you
know who risk their heart and who also hang-glide, ski the hardest slopes,
climb mountains, run rapids?
   A final zinger: how much of your evaluation of Y is based in the fact that
he's with someone you[are-after/would-like-to-be-with]? I've been there, too;
it's an easy mistake to make.

	CHip
		(Chip Hitchcock)
		ARPA: CJH@CCA-UNIX
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