From: utzoo!decvax!harpo!eagle!mhtsa!alice!npoiv!houxm!ihnp4!ixn5c!inuxc!pur-ee!uiucdcs!uiucuxc!kline
Newsgroups: net.singles
Title: Greetings, and some questions. - (nf)
Article-I.D.: uiucdcs.1990
Posted: Thu Apr 28 22:47:18 1983
Received: Sat Apr 30 05:54:02 1983

#N:uiucuxc:20700006:000:2517
uiucuxc!kline    Apr 28 18:26:00 1983


   I am a new subscriber to net.singles. From what I've
read, things in here look interesting, if we can all keep
civil enough to avoid name-calling and silliness in this
most uninhibited of all communication forms. But I don't
like complaints about notesfile content either, so I'll
shut up.

   The people who regularly write into here seem like a
pretty neat bunch. I wonder, have any of you ever considered
an in-person meeting with anyone you've met here? How much
private (mail) traffic is there between readers of this
notesfile? Don't get me wrong, I think this is a silly way to
meet potential {boy|girl}friends, but I have started a lot of
very close friendships with people through discussions of
the type that often appear in here. Just curious...

   Anyway, I'd like to start a discussion. Two close
(female) friends of mine disagree strongly with me on this,
but they haven't convinced me and I'd like to see what the
network thinks. I am of the opinion that, if you meet
someone whom you like and would care to start a relationship
with, it is important to push things that way before you
wind up being "friends." I have a lot of difficulty making
the transition from "friends" to "lovers." Similarly I find
it difficult to become "friends" after a relationship breaks
up (my breakups are always real rough).

   If I decide to start something with an otherwise good
friend, and I ask her out, the understanding is that we're
just going out as a couple of friends. I mean, the feeling
isn't there. It's all wrong to take her hand or give her a
hug; it's not fair to her 'cause it's not what she's
expecting of the date. I guess the question boils down to,
how does one bring the topic of love and a 1:1 relationship 
into an otherwise stable friendship? [Footnote: note my
distinction between the terms 'friendship' and 'relationship.'
I realize that a friendship is a relationship, but for the
sake of brevity...] 

   Related questions are: Is it understood by most people
that a display of affection (read holding hands, hugging,
kissing) to a friend is not necessarily an indication of an
interest in something beyond friendship? Is it even
appropriate to, say, hold hands with a friend? How do people
keep old (good and bad) memories of a past relationship from
entering into (and possibly messing up) a (new) friendship
with the person?

   Eagerly awaiting your thoughts, posted or mailed.


Charley Kline,
U of Illinois Computing Services Office.
{decvax|ucbvax}!pur-ee!uiucdcs!uiucuxc!kline