From: utzoo!decvax!decwrl!amd70!clif
Newsgroups: net.singles
Title: Re: starting a relationship with someone who is already in one
Article-I.D.: amd70.1998
Posted: Mon May  2 09:26:43 1983
Received: Tue May  3 05:44:20 1983


{	The following article is posted at the request of the author, in
response to my plea to start a new subject in this newsgroup.  I have been
pleasantly surprised at the  quality and quantity of responses to my question
How do you start a relationship with someone who is already in one? 	}
	
/* 	Forwarded 	message					*/
	-response of the month:
	
	  I have been involved in situations very much like the one you mentioned,
	finding myself becoming involved with someone who is already so. I think 
	that this is an especially common thing in an academic enviroment, when 
	the other person suddenly finds him/herself (genderless pronoun needed)
	away from familiar surroundings (involvements included), but the concept
	involved is the same anywhere:
	     ADVENTURE-
	  One of the most enjoyable things about initiating a new involvement is the
	fact that you never know where that relationship is going to lead. You are
	in the process of getting to know someone (intamitely) and never really know
	what that person is going to do next. And that is FUN! As time goes on, this
	feeling of spontaneous activity is replaced with another much valued, but
	not as exciting (comparing apples an oranges, here) quality:
	     SECURUITY-
	  You no longer have to worry about being let down or dissapointed (if you do,
	why is the relationship still on?) and you know that, no matter what, the other
	will be there to rely on, a shoulder upon which to cry. The potential danger
	of being alone if that person's a drip is gone. 
	  Then you (or he or her or whoever) meet someone new. You talk. You see 
	qualities of the other in him/her/it, but this time with new twists. "What 
	would the relationship have been like if the other had been like this person?"
	You start to get to know this person and the fun is brought back to mind.
	The adventure is back in your life. 
	  By the way, I developed this philosophy (here in condensed form, quite) when
	my ex-posslq became involved with someone else. I saw the need in her for 
	adventure and let her go ahead (not that I could stop her, but gave her my
	blessings. "If you love something, let it go; If it comes back, it's yours;
	If it doesn't, it never was". If you're interested, we're back together now.
	
	                              Peace,
	                                Rich Johnson
	                                Rochester Institute of Technology
	                                !ritcv!ritvp!raj0933