From: utzoo!decvax!harpo!eagle!mhtsa!alice!npoiv!eisx!pyuxll!abnjh!lute
Newsgroups: net.singles
Title: Women Pursuing Men
Article-I.D.: abnjh.132
Posted: Tue May  3 09:47:59 1983
Received: Thu May  5 04:41:49 1983



I am in total agreement with one point in Don Wegeng's article.
Women should be more open about their interests in men.  It would end a lot of
sleepless nights for both sexes.  Unfortunately, I don't think things
will ever be like that Harvey's Bristol Cream commercial of a few years ago,
where the woman asks the guy over.  (You remember that series of commercials
didn't last very long, also, no other companies tried copying that advertising
approach!)  This is because no matter how much we complain and intellectualize,
this pattern of courtship is too deeply ingrained in our socialized
habits for most of us to resist (i.e. Man must approach, woman must(at best)
give signals about her approachability).

The fact that I, as a male must always be the one to suffer the
psychological and physiological stress of being the initiator has bothered
me since high school.
Having talked to many women over the years about this issue, I find two
recurring points in their reasons for not trying to approach men
(attached or otherwise):

1.  They are afraid of looking like a fool if they are rejected.
2.  Not knowing really all the ins and outs of making the approach (i.e.
    timing, tone of voice, use of words, body language, etc.)

I have tried to explain to some of these women that I can understand these
fears.  Courtship (for humans) is a lengthy learning process.  We men
worry about those two above points also, however, we have been practicing
since the age of 12 or so, and therefore we make it "appear" easy when
it comes to being an initiator.  (Believe me, ladies, each new approach
with each new woman we are scared as hell.)  However, just like an
experienced athlete or craftsman with years of experience makes something
difficult look easy, so it is with courting.

For those of you in the NY/NJ area, I recall that PM Magazine did a piece
a couple of years ago on two one-night courses offered in Manhattan just
to help people with problems like this.  The courses were:  "How to Pick
Up Women" (for men), and "How to Attract Men" (for women).  (Interesting
to note the differences in the class names, even though they are for basically
the same purpose.  The reason for the name difference was because most women
probably wouldn't come to a course with the word "Pick Up" in it, so they
made the title and orientation something more acceptable to women.)  I don't
know if the courses are still being given, but you probably could call
WNEW-TV and ask them to go into their files to get you a person to contact
concerning the course or the instructors.  It seemed like a fun course
because not only did they teach you basics in what and what not to do and
say, they gave you ideas on getting into environments that increased your
chances of meeting MOTOS.  I will mention a couple of these pointers in 
another net article.  Anyway, some women (and men) might consider
looking into that area of learning courtship behavior.


To close for now, I would make these suggestions to women who are still
battling with the question of approaching men:

1.  Accept the fears of being rejected, face them, and then get on with it!
    (Life in interpersonal matters, just like business involves risks that
     must be taken if desired goals are to be reached.)


2.  TRY!  (As they say in the sweepstakes ads:  "You can't win if you don't
    enter.")



					Jim Collymore