From: utzoo!decvax!decwrl!sun!megatest!fortune!hpda!hplabs!hao!seismo!harpo!floyd!whuxlb!eisx!pyuxll!abnjh!lute
Newsgroups: net.singles
Title: A Book for Women on Attracting Men
Article-I.D.: abnjh.145
Posted: Tue May 10 10:27:53 1983
Received: Fri May 13 23:08:21 1983




There have been a few comments from the women subscribing to this newsgroup
about how they should go about meeting men.  Well, I came across a book on
my shelf that I had forgotten about entitled:  How to Ask a Man by Judi
Miller.  It's in paperback and you might find it interesting.  I bought it
out of curiosity a few years ago and have since loaned it to a number of
women who I thought might appreciate the tips.  As a man I found it
refreshing to read a book by a woman who was really committed to women
breaking out of their social shell.  It is loaded with pointers to women
in the form of humorous anecdotes and insights.  It tells why women do
the things they do, and better yet, how men tend perceive these actions
and why.

One part I liked was a section Ms. Miller called:  "Bodyguards with
Bracelets."  In it she describes how when women go out to bars they travel
in large groups (i.e. packs) for security.  Once they find a table they end
up talking among themselves, (usually) putting down all the guys in the
place once they see that Robert Redford and Burt Reynolds aren't going to
show up.  This attitude is exacerbated when few men come over to the table to
ask one of them to dance.  Ms. Miller quotes two men who she asks why they
wouldn't go over to such a group of women.  Their reasons were:

1)  If you go over to a table of say four women, and you ask one to dance
    and she says "no," you can be 95% certain that the other three women
    by default will also turn you down.  Who wants to be faced with that
    much rejection!?!  It's overkill!

    (Footnote:  When I was a sophmore I once observed this behavior, and being
     the bold psychology major that I was I went around asking groups of women
     students in bars about this.  I found out that women will reject a man for
     several reasons in such a situation.  1)  If they are not the first one
     to be approached in the group, they don't want to accept the position
     of second choice.  2)  They figure if female #1 turned this guy down it
     must be for good reason, so they should turn him down, too.  3)  Just
     plain scared.)

2)  If a man goes over to a table and singles out one women to ask first,
    he feels that he is rejecting all the others, and that can make him feel
    a little like a heel.

    (Footnote:  I have an easy solution for this problem, approach the
    table in a broad and general manner
    rather than approaching someone in particular at the table.  Then 
    address all those at the table:  "Would any of you like to dance?"  This
    method tends to be moderately successful.)

Ms. Miller goes on with her suggestions on what women might do to improve
their chances of attracting men, rather than intimidating them.  All in all
it is an interesting book for both men and women.  Some of you may want to
try and get a copy.


					Jim Collymore