From: utzoo!decvax!duke!trb@floyd.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles
Title: Re: What do you think...
Article-I.D.: floyd.1491
Posted: Mon May  2 19:30:34 1983
Received: Tue May 17 08:07:42 1983
References: genrad.2514

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Path:burl!spanky!ihnp4!houxm!mhuxa!mhuxj!mhuxt!mhuxh!mhuxi!cbosgd!npois!hou5f!ariel!vax135!floyd!trb
Message-ID:<1491@floyd.UUCP>
Date:Mon, 2-May-83 19:30:34 EDT

Now that a few guys have jumped at genrad!debbie's question about "what
boys want," I'll take a stab at what this boy wants.  I had that urge
the first time I read debbie's request, but I figured that I'm too
often the first to jump in, so I controlled my urge (how unlike me).
What she was asking for was unclear, did she want hints on meeting
men?  Keeping men?  What we like?

Anyway, the first answer to debbie's question (ihuxw!tommyo) took a
rather safe tack and pursued what to do on first dates and stuff.  I
guess that's kind of what was asked for, but that question seems so
superficial.

Geo Swann says don't be subtle.  I'll second that.

What do men look for in women?  I don't know, so I'll tell you what I
look for instead.

First impressions first, note that these are superficial, and therefore
they encompass what I get from the surface.  Please don't send me
complaints about my being shallow.  I look for a woman who is
interested in me (rules out most of them right off the bat).  She
should be comfortable with herself and with me; making a relationship
work is hard enough when you start with the right ingredients, no need
to start cooking with curdled milk.  A quick wit is essential, or else
she'll grow to hate me quickly.  Healthy body, healthy mind, all makes
for a good attitude.  I look at women's bodies (gadzooks), especially
after all these years of taking ballet, I semi-consciously evaluate
people's bodies as part of an initial impression.  Call me
narrowminded.  I'm very thin, maybe this has something to do with my
preferences.  I don't just go for the ballerina type, anyone in good
health will do, as far as the body is concerned.  Until recently,
fashion has dictated that women weren't athletic, and either they were
insipidly thin or perhaps, very shapely but high in fat content (nice
in ice cream, not in women).  Health is important, especially when it
comes to wrestling (I used to be a wrestler in high school, ya know).
Please don't schmeer yourself with makeup.  If you can get away with
using it without being offensive, then fine, else forget it.  If you
can't accept the face God gave you then lots of makeup isn't going to
help you.  Too many women apply blusher to their cheeks and it looks
like they're auditioning for Rocky IV.  Be careful!

I don't like people who are congenitally bitchy.  I might seem that
way, but I'm not.  I'm often (too often) bitchy, but I do not dwell on
the same old stuff, I find new and creative things to bitch about.
Anyway, I like to think of myself as being effect bitchy rather than
cause bitchy, I don't like people who are cause bitchy.  Maybe I'm just
deluding myself.  I've met people who you couldn't shake the bitchy out
of if you swang them over your head.  No way I can deal with those.

In a relationship, I like openmindedness, honesty, creativity,
fidelity, freedom, dependence, independence...

Hold on, he just said "dependence, independence..."  Yes, he did.
Independent relationships have been really popular lately, but I think
that they're for people who can't handle the responsibility that goes
with dependence.  Doing your own thing won't get you as far as doing
something with someone else.  Try pushing a car sometimes.  One person
shouldn't totally swallow the other, we know the problems inherent in
that.  I do think that two strong people can have a dependent
relationship and still feel free.  If you think that you can have a
relationship without dependence then either you're deluding yourself or
we don't have the same concept of relationship.  I think that
relationship implies a connection which implies a dependence.

I don't drink alcohol (except for occasional wine) and I don't do drugs
and I don't smoke cigarettes.  I find all of these habits offensive and
destructive and I wouldn't tolerate any of them in a person with whom
I'd have a close relationship.  If she needs this stuff to have fun
with me, if she can't have more fun without them, then she's in the
wrong place, and she should find someone else with whom she can be
happy without such obfuscatory crutches.  This isn't going to go over
real well in party-land, but I find a high correlation between drug,
alcohol, and cigarette abuse (self abuse, really) and people who I
don't like or respect.  There are isolated exceptions, but the
correlation definitely seems to be there.

The woman I look for has to be able to carry her side of a discussion
(defend herself in an argument to the death).  Hey, life is work.
Better to air your grievances than to let them fester.  Clear
communication is VERY IMPORTANT and has been a central problem in my
relationships.

There's probably a whole load of important stuff that I left out.
People have to be compatible in a lot of ways.  What they like to do,
the abuse they'll take from each other, sexual compatibility.  (Was
that three things or one thing?)

I would think that it would be pretty easy to find women who meet my
needs but it hasn't been the case.  I don't know why.  When I do find a
woman and we find each other initially compatible, there certainly
hasn't been a pattern so that if the relationship fails I could run the
same program and maybe tweak some parameters and come up with a new
woman.

I am perseverant and patient about relationships, when I'm alone I just
wait, confident that I won't be alone too long.  This seems like the
best policy to me, because the alternative seems to be to drive myself
crazy.  Some people just call me lazy.

Anyway, I'm not sure I answered the question that I was not sure I
understood.  It hope it stirs up some conversation here and maybe
we can get some views from some other people and women too.  I won't
even wonder about how many people I alienated.

	Andy Tannenbaum   Bell Labs  Whippany, NJ   (201) 386-6491